When Life Gives You Vodka
by Sinful-Desire-x
Summary: Kenny had done some pretty f*cked up sh*t in his life... But tricking Butters into falling in love with him was by far the worst! Bunny. Yaoi. Don't like, don't click! Rated M for later chapters.
1. Steal Someone's Virginity

**Summery: **_Kenny had done some pretty fucked up shit in his life. But tricking Butters into falling in love with him was by far the worst! Bunny. Yaoi. Don't like, don't click!_

**Warnings: **_Yaoi - Meaning male on male action. Swearing. Alcohol. Drugs. All that fun stuff._

**RubyNote: **_My first South Park fic, first time writing in a while also. So.. Yeah.. Enjoy!_

* * *

**When Life Gives You Vodka…**

…_Take Someone's Virginity!_

Dying would have been good right about now.

But of course, that would have been too easy and he could never seem to die at a time that was convenient to him. Of course; it wouldn't solve much, no one would know and if anything at all he would just be prolonging the inevitable for a little while until he came back.

And then where would he be? Right back here, right back in this conversation – only this time he'd have an added "And you're not running out on me this time!" to add to his miseries.

So he supposed he should just start getting it over with now.

"Are you even listening to me anymore?!" The pitch was higher than usual, probably due to the tirade of words that had been spilling from his mouth for the last ten minutes, Kenny observed with some detachment – and the pinking of his face was kind of cute…

No! That could stop right there! It was thoughts like that that got him to this point in the first place, for crying out loud.

Yes, Butters was mad at him; and yes, it did make him look as adorable as hell… and yes, riling Butters up was fun and kind of sexy…

Oh for fuck's sake! He was doing it again! No more examining of Butters!

Forcing himself to focus, he found his eyes wandering down to the soft pink mouth that was pursed in something that seemed to be a cross with annoyance and worry. He had a pretty mouth… and damn did he know how to use it…

"So you're not even listening to me… Thanks a lot…" The sudden inflection of hurt in the smaller males' voice finally had Kenny snapping back to attention and he stuffed his hands moodily into his pockets.

God damn it! Why did he have to have this argument with the one damn person who would actually get upset if Kenny even so much as opened his mouth?!

Because he knew it would happen. You didn't win awards for being a top notch fuck up without realising that everything that came out of your mouth would probably hurt anyone who had genuine feelings.

But still, as much as he would usually walk away and leave Butters to think the worst of him – it would have probably have been the kinder way to do it – he found himself sucked in, once again, into trying to at least attempt to explain himself.

"I am listening. I just have nothing to say." He answered with a sigh, stuffing his hands into his pockets with a sharp movement.

He had been right though, opening his mouth hadn't helped him out at all because the flash of bitter hurt that reflected in those soft blue eyes made his stomach churn with self-hatred.

And then the look had gone, eyes twinkling in what Kenny had long since realised was a façade of joyful innocence. Butters may have always put up a damn good front, but the kid couldn't seriously be that understanding and forgiving. Nor could he be that oblivious; of course he got hurt, even if he did sometimes come across as too stupid to even realise he was being treated like shit, there was no way that it didn't affect him, deep down.

"I see. So, that's just it then? You're really just as bad as they say huh? Guess it's my own fault… M-my parents did always say 'Butters, you shouldn't be goin' out around drunk people. They will just use you and toss you aside.' A-an they were right t-to ground me for last night t-too, I-I-I—"

"They're not fucking right! You're 21 for fuck's sake!" Kenny growled suddenly, making the smaller male jump back harshly. The taller blonde groaned, rubbing his eyes with his thumb and pointer finger before sighing and continuing. "Look, Butters… I'm sorry, okay? I was drunk and I should have known better than to start this; but I did. And I can't take it back or make it go away… The fact is, we did what we did and it was fun but that's all."

"I-I See… a-an' what you said?" Kenny flinched sharply at the reminder and visibly shrunk back against the wall he was leaning against. His voice had been but a mumble and Kenny instinctively knew he wasn't going to like the answer.

Slipping a pack of cigarettes from his pocket he slipped one between his lips, lighting and taking a slow drag as he prepared for the end. "I was drunk. Drunk me will say whatever he has to, to get into someone's pants." He answers, the words hollow even to his own ears.

When he finally looked back up at Butters' face, he was not granted access to see what reaction that got. The smaller male's head was bowed as he nodded – just barely – and nothing more.

And that's when the tightness in his chest flared up again – '_probably just too many cigarettes' – _and he bit his lip, willing himself to at least sound apologetic.

But it wouldn't matter, Butters was leaving, getting into his car and leaving Kenny here, in the middle of the night, in some seedy little bar's car park, and no longer intending to just 'get a little buzz'.

* * *

"_(This fucking song is all personality)_

_(Dude, that's the shit!)_

_Well we've heard about,_

_How the guys in the band,_

_And now you hate your parents,_

'_Cause of the way you turned out,_

_But in the end the blames on you…"_

For a few moments, Butters just stared at the glowing screen on his bedside table like it had grown a set of balls. It was three in the morning, who the hell would be calling him at this time?

Reaching quickly for the handset when he realised the noise could wake his parents; the small blonde examined the caller display. A foreign number displayed itself and Butters was just considering whether or not it was a good idea for him to actually answer it when it suddenly stopped and the screen settled back to black.

Well, that solved that conundrum…

…For all of five seconds.

This time he answered, if nothing more to just stop the noise before his parents could wake and ground him for it.

"Hu-Hullo…" He mumbled softly down the phone, greeted by a loud laugh on the other end of the phone. Even from just a laugh, Butters knew, Kenny was out of his mind drunk…

"Butters! Dude! It's your number? When the fuck did that get written on my arm?! Any why?"

That made him laugh, Kenny had been pretty drunk yesterday, and Butters was only supposed to be going to work to pick up his wallet that he had left there – They both worked at the same bar, but Kenny had had a week off and so apparently was utilising it to its fullest. But Butters had been worried when he had left Kenny's apartment and had seen Kenny leaving; so he had taken precautionary measures by writing 'Hi, if found call this number to come collect my sorry ass' on his arm and added his number to the bottom.

Of course, Butters was too naïve to realise that what someone like Kenny McCormick was in danger in a gutter no one would care enough to look for a number on his arm.

It just wasn't done.

Especially in a town as small as South Park was and with the added 'pleasure' of everyone knowing just what kind of family Kenny came from – Hell, they probably would be more concerned if they saw him sober and in a suit or something.

He had also not planned on being dragged into said apartment and being there for most of the night.

"Long story. And you're drunk!" Butters replied when he heard a "Dude! Talk to me asshole!" come from the receiver.

"And you're sexy, what's you're point?"

That made the small blonde flinch and he closed his eyes. Memories of yesterday surfacing and clawing at his chest.

"Kenny, what do you want?" He sighed into the phone, no longer feeling amused by the call at all.

"I wanted to know whose number it was…" Was the to-the-point reply and Butters almost snorted at the thought that he had been expecting a reply like–

"And now I know who it is I want to talk to you!"

'_Yeah, something like tha- Hold the phone?!'_

"Y-you… wh-what?" He stammered, not meaning to raise his voice as much as he did, before continuing in a calmer tone. "Ken, you're drunk, you don't mean that… so just stop… okay?"

"No. Come see me." Was the only reply and Butters had to pinch the bridge of his nose for a brief moment.

"Kenny, I-I can't…" He started but was quickly cut off as Kenny started on a ramble of various reasons why Butters had to come find him, varying from "But dude! I'd do the same for you" to "Be a bro, man" and finally ending with…

"And I have no idea where I am… some bar called… Whistlin' Harry's?"

Butters eyes widened and he groaned, that bar was the same one he had left the taller blonde at earlier. Had he been there this whole time?! That's like… eleven hours of drinking!

"Fine… Just… wait there… Don't move at all…" He finally relented, hanging up the phone with a sigh and reaching for his keys. He cared not that he was only in his pyjama bottoms and simply shucked on his coat and slipped silently from the house.

* * *

Kenny was cold, his hood pulled up over his head as he stood against the lamppost in the same way he had been since calling Butters some time ago. He hadn't moved – at all, actually – just like he had been told too and his eyes lit up as he saw a familiar car pull up in the car park.

Finally!

As Butters stepped out of the car though, Kenny knew he had a tell-tale smirk on his lips, giving way that he was trying not to laugh. But seriously? Who comes to pick someone up wearing _bunny pyjamas_?

"W-what?" came the timid reply of his new companion and Kenny simply shook his head.

"Cute rags, dude." He winked, still leaning on the lamppost, pretty much because it was all that was keeping him up right now.

He wasn't sure if it was the dim light or a trick of his eyes, but it looked like Butters was actually blushing! And it was so damn cute! And Kenny just wanted too–

Ow, faceplanting the floor had not been what he wanted when he had attempted to step forward, no, faceplanting _fucking hurt!_

But soon there was a gentle touch as he was hauled up against a warm body and damn, did it feel good! He leant heavily against the smaller male who surprisingly seemed to take his weight easily – probably not a hard feat as Kenny was still pretty scrawny and apparently dancing for a living made someone pretty damn muscular.

He wasn't quite sure when they had walked to the car, or even when he had been sat in the passenger's seat for that matter. All he knew that suddenly that heat was gone and he whined, reaching back out to pull his radiator back to him. He was cold again now.

"No, Mister. We are going to get you home and to bed." Came a fairly stern reply that made Kenny's eyes light up with the implications.

But his fantasies were short lived as a sudden squeak and an "N-n-n-no! You are going t-to bed, to sleep, a-alone." Came to crush all his sexy hopes and dreams.

"Cock tease…" He mumbled as he slumped lower into the seat like a petulant child, arms crossing after he pulled the drawstring of his hood tightly closed.

The door closing at his side was the only response he got as Butters moved to get back into the car himself.

The journey back was in silence, Butters being the first to break it once they had pulled up outside of the rundown apartment complex. "Let's get you in then…" When he got no reply he had presumed Kenny had fallen asleep and he sighed, getting out of the car and resigning himself to having to carry the inebriated male up the four flights of stairs to his apartment.

That was of course until he was reaching over to unbuckle the seatbelt and found himself suddenly pulled forward as a pair of chapped and warm lips were firmly against his own.

And Butters melted into it, pressing himself against the other male and not even caring about the fact that Kenny tasted terrible – all like cheap vodka and cigarettes.

However, once he felt a hand slide under his coat he froze and shoved himself back sharply, causing him to slam the back of his head into the car's roof.

"Ow!" He whined as his companion – and the reason for this whole mess simply bellowed out a throaty laugh and tumbled out of the car to land at Butters' feet.

"Ow! Fuck!"

The smaller blonde simply rolled his eyes as he once again hauled Kenny back to his feet, shutting the car door as he steadily helped him ascend the stairs; hindered slightly by having to slap wandering hands from trying to touch him every two steps.

When he finally got Kenny into his apartment – after having to wrestle him for his keys – Butters let him fall down on the old, moth-eaten fold-out couch that was pretty much the only feature in the entire room.

It was a small apartment: consisting only of three rooms; Living-room cum bedroom, Kitchenette and bathroom. The place was a mess, wallpaper peeling and black mould peeking from behind the ratty curtains and stretching over the corners of the ceiling but – it was Kenny's home. His. No one else's'. And he liked it that way.

It was all his pittance of a barman salary could afford anyway.

Beggars couldn't be choosers and all that bull.

"S-s-so... Y-you're home n-now… I-I'll just go…" The smaller male murmured as he made to turn and leave – he did not want to be here, not with his memories… not staring at the fold out bed's sheets, stained and he exact same as the day before, not changed and holding the evidence of what they had done–

But a tug on his sleeve halted him and he flinched. He needed to leave, he felt suffocated and he just wanted to go.

"Where're you going?" Came the soft drawl from the male sprawled out on the bed, somewhere in Butters' musings he had unzipped his jacket and his shirt had ridden up, exposing the soft skin beneath…

He swallowed and was struggling to make a sentence when Kenny continued, "The night is not over, why not join me… you look like you could use some… _stress relief_…"

And aww fuck wasn't he sexy as he purred those words so sweetly, Kenny clearly knew how to go about getting into peoples pants…

But he couldn't do this, and, not trusting his voice he simply shook his head, pulling his arm sharply out of the others' grasp, watching as Kenny's eyes narrowed for a moment in confusion.

Yes; that definitely wasn't the face of a man who was used to hearing the word "no" – even if he technically hadn't physically said it.

"What? Why? Yesterday you didn't seem to care… What gives?"

And then it all hit him in one, it really hadn't meant anything to Kenny. It had been just an itch he wanted scratching and Butters had been stupid enough to get swept up in his pretty words and skilled hands.

"Are you still hurting a little? Its fine, I'll be gentler…" Oh how Butters wished he would just shut up. It wasn't about that at all. Yes, he did have a dull ache still but that wasn't the point! This wasn't all just some game or an itch to scratch to him. He had actually thought… He had…

And there it was, the first glimmering of tears in his eyes as he swiped at them quickly and swallowed back a lump in his throat.

"I-I-I don't w-want…" He sniffled, cursing himself for letting himself end up in this position again.

Kenny frowned as he sat up slowly, reaching out his hand again. "Dude, don't cry! Fuck!" He muttered as he shook his head. "I didn't mean to be so rough! I swear I can do better! I'm good at this!"

And it was apparently not the right thing to say as the smaller male's shoulders slumped and he let out a small sob. "Just s-s-stop! P-p-please! Y-you d-don't get I-I-it!" He pleaded as his inebriated friend continued to stare at him.

"What don't I understand? It's sex Butters, not a marriage proposal… Why are you making a big deal out of two guys letting off some steam?"

He couldn't hear this, he just couldn't and so he said the truth – the thing he knew would instantly shut him up…

"It's a big deal because you took my virginity!"

* * *

**RubyNote: **_Inspired by reading Bunny fiction recently, I figured I'd give this a go. Reviews and constructive criticism always welcome!_


	2. Smash Shit Up

**When Life Gives You Vodka…**

…_Smash Shit Up._

"Come again…?"

Okay, now he was suddenly sobering up a little; like a bucket of ice cold water had been thrown over him. This couldn't be right, could it? No… no of course not… Because that would mean that Kenny had slept with a virgin.

Kenny had been someone's first for the first time in almost a decade of sexual activity.

Well fuck…

McCormick rule number one: Don't fuck a virgin. Broken.

Looking over at the small form of the male stood before him, Kenny flinched, feeling like a complete jerk. There was a reason he never slept with anyone who still carried their V-Card, they had more of a tendency to get attached. And people shouldn't get attached to Kenny, because Kenny would just fuck up or disappear for an unannounced length of time.

Admittedly it wasn't his fault, not completely anyway. But it didn't make him any less dangerous to get attached too.

Butters looked so small and fragile in that moment, and Kenny didn't need to see the smaller males' face to know he was crying. His shoulders were hunched and trembling slightly as the taller blonde just sat there on the bed, staring dumbly at the other.

He should say something reassuring. Maybe even apologise; that would be what any decent human being in his situation would do.

But alas, no one had ever accused Kenny McCormick of being a decent human being, so instead his mouth came out with a simple:

"Well damn… I… Dude, I didn't know… I… fuck…"

He gained a shake of Butters' head as a response and a tiny, almost inaudible whimper.

Had Kenny been sober, he would have been able to just let it all slide; give a non-committal shrug and walk away from this entire situation.

But then again, if Kenny could stay sober, this wouldn't have happened in the first place.

"Yes… Y-you f-f-fuck… It's wh-what y-you d-d-do…" A small voice came from his companion and Kenny felt sick from the implications. "I-I… sho-should h-have known b-better th-than t-t-to…"

And if Kenny had thought he couldn't feel any worse about the situation; Butter's had just opened a trap door and sent him flying another floor down into shitsville.

He could tell by Butter's voice that he was blaming himself for all of this, but it wasn't right. Kenny was the fuck up; and he'd just proved, once again, exactly why he held that title.

But what did you say to someone when you had taken something precious from them, when all you had really wanted was a bit of relief.

"I-I-I sh-should g-go…" Butters' stutter was always a dead giveaway to how much a situation was bothering him and it was getting worse by the sentence it seemed.

And so was Kenny's guilt.

Why did it have to be the one person in this godforsaken town that Kenny actually felt bad about treating like shit?

Ever since high school Kenny had started feeling bad for ripping on poor Butters; everyone did and he had been no exception. But when he had caught the small blonde huddled in the bathroom during one of Kenny's stints of ditching a lesson to go get high; everything had changed.

He had seen the small male quickly cover his arm and hug his legs tightly but he hadn't thought anything of it.

Or more accurately; he probably hadn't cared to notice.

Instead, Kenny had simply been confused as to why Butters had been out of lesson. The kid had never been one to break rules – and, Kenny supposed, neither would he had been if he had had parents like Butters – and he remembered trying to start a conversation as he lit up his last joint.

It had been his downfall when he had asked the other blonde if he wanted some and had seen the blood soaking through his sleeve as he reached out.

Kenny had never once picked on the boy after that – hell, he'd even got in a few fights defending said blonde – and had realised then, Butters wasn't as oblivious as he had perceived.

A door slamming sharply brought him out of his musings and he bolted towards the door, his shoulder slamming with a crunch into the doorframe as he spewed out a euphoria of curse words that would have made any sailor proud.

Unfortunately; by the time he righted himself and managed to half-fall-half-stumble down the complex stairs; the street was empty.

Butters was gone.

And he hadn't even had the curtesy to apologise before he did.

Fuck.

* * *

Two days later found Kenny groaning in bed as his body went through the painstaking process of reattaching with his soul after yet another death.

What the _fuck _had he been thinking?!

After Butters' departure, the blonde had found himself alone and feeling awful.

And of course; as with any McCormick, when they were stuck in emotional turmoil; it had soon built into an angry rage.

He wasn't sure where he had picked the bat up from as he wandered; probably near that park he had passed. Kids were always leaving shit behind.

But still; using said bat to vent on a known drug dealers car had been one of the stupidest moves of Kenny's lifetime – and he had made his fair share amount of stupid moves in his twenty-one years.

Though he supposed a slit throat _was _one of the quickest and least painful ways to die.

At least it was instant.

He went through the usual motions: Sit up slowly, find his phone miraculously next to him on the bed and check the time–

Shit. Shit shit shit! _Shit!_

And for good measure: Shit!

He was in trouble…

He had less than thirty minutes to get to work and he was out of cigarettes.

Well wasn't this just a fucking brilliant start?!

Shooting out of bed and unceremoniously introducing his face to the filthy carpet below when his new legs struggled to listen to reason; Kenny made a mad dash to grab his wallet and keys and bold out of the door, leaving it to hopefully latch behind him.

Not that Kenny owned anything even remotely valuable.

His feet pounding on the pavement, he thanked god that he always came back to a fully clothed body and hurtled into the nearest convenience store.

Pack of cigarettes in hand as he exited, he gave a quick check of the time and breathed out a relieved sigh when he saw he had just enough time to walk at a brisk pace and still make it.

At least he could have a cigarette.

He was feeling a little more relaxed as he opened the backstage doors to 'The Ruby Palace'. He had always found the name amusing. It sounded like some extravagant place when in actual fact it was simply named after the owner.

Miss Ruby Moon. An eccentric and somewhat flirty person but as a boss she was generally a fair person. Until something went wrong of course; then someone's head was going to roll.

She technically only co-owned the small club; her and her twin brother Kai had blown into South Park about two years ago and had caused one hell of a storm.

They had brought out a small patch of land just on the edge of town and had set about building the huge club – at first causing a huge riot when it became knowledge that they were to cater to the gay scene as well as the 'norm'.

A redneck town like South Park was a risky venture for such a club but they had managed to pull it off in the end.

And Kenny had joined some six months ago after a chance meeting with the owners in a bar.

And maybe helped a little by the fact he had ended up in Ruby's bed that same night.

Either way – it was money and being a bartender wasn't a half bad deal. And then there were the sexy as hell shows they put on every night. Yeah, Kenny didn't mind working when there was alcohol and sexy dancers around.

Thoughts wandering a little, he frowned as he saw no one in the changing rooms and he pursed his lips slightly in confusion. Shouldn't everybody be getting ready right now?

He shrugged and walked to his locker, slipping it open and donning his usual black shirt and pants, both of which clung tightly to his figure – as did every kind of uniform in this joint.

With a sigh he slammed his locker shut, only to let out a rather undignified squeal as a face appeared behind where the door had been.

"Jesus fucking Christ man! Give a guy some warning…"

Kai, the other owner of 'The Ruby Palace' stood by his side, his ice-blue eyes narrowed and arms crossed as he stared up at Kenny due to his shorter stature.

"You're late. The others are in the staff meeting." He stated simply, his voice devoid of any emotion as Kenny flinched slightly.

Well damn, his day was just going to get worse wasn't it?

Ruby was one thing, she was outgoing and flirty – not unlike Kenny himself – and so he knew how to deal with her. But Kai was a completely different story altogether. It was hard to read the guy who seemed to have some kind of bi-polar issue going on.

One minute he acted like he was still a child and in the next it was like he was about to go on a psychotic rampage and kill anyone in his path. Something that never failed to send shivers down Kenny's spine.

The boss-man took a moment to blow a few strands of unruly white-blonde hair from his eyes before extending a finger towards the office door.

"Well? Get moving then!" he snapped before turning on his heel and disappearing out the back door.

Kenny shook his head and sighed heavily, trudging into the staff room with his tail between his legs and an apology on his lips.

The shift went pretty smoothly after that little hiccup. He went through the usual routine, got behind the bar, took a Blue Hawaiian to the DJ booth for Madi – the busty pinkette that controlled the music scene of the club; a fun and hyperactive woman who, in Kenny's opinion may just have a little bit of an obsession with her own breasts.

Though, Kenny supposed, he would be a little obsessed if he had breasts too and so he let it slide as one of her 'quirky' characteristics.

It was as he was coming to the end of his shift that things went downhill again.

How could he forget about his little 'thing' with Butters?

Or the fact that he _worked here_!

"Hey Ken," The chirpy voice chorused over the music as he leant over the bar to be heard.

Kenny froze, eyes blinking as he took in the casual tone. He knew Butters had a habit of just… getting over things… but… He should not be wanting to talk to Kenny afte_r _what had transpired. He should be avoiding him at the very least – causing one hell of a scene at the most.

"Uh… Hi?" He responded lamely after a few seconds, taking a moment to rake over the man before him. From his sparkling and happy eyes, down his flushed face and into the dip in his collar and bare chest and…

Brakes. Now.

Tearing his eyes upwards to stop himself from taking that any further he shrugged and aimed for an air of nonchalance instead. If Butters wanted to pretend like nothing happened then Kenny would comply.

It got him off the hook anyway.

"So… I was wondering, could you meet me out the back when you finish? I just want to talk. I'll even drive you home."

And bang goes that theory.

Kenny groaned and opened his mouth to say it wasn't a good idea. Make an excuse and cut this stupidity while he still could.

But as Butters smiled and turned to leave; Kenny knew he was stuck with the inevitable.

And as luck would have it; the next half hour just flew by.

Fan-fucking-tastic!

He sighed as he slammed his locker closed, dressed back in his ripped jeans and hoody only to be startled for the second time that night when Butters was stood behind his locker.

"What the fuck is up with everyone here trying to give me a fucking heart-attack?!" He ranted, running a hand through his hair as he tried to calm his suddenly racing heart.

Butters didn't seem to take mind of his discomfort and instead smiled gently and took a step back, mashing his knuckles in that awkward way he'd been doing since they were small.

"Uh… So… Shall we go?" He mumbled softly. He wasn't stuttering, so that was a good sign. Or at least, Kenny hoped that was a good sign.

"Look dude, I don't know what you want from me… I thought we talked about this…" He started slowly, his tongue seeming too big for his mouth in that moment. Was this what it felt like to be embarrassed? Kenny couldn't say; with his life and actions he had never been one to get embarrassed.

There was a strange look from the smaller male as his mouth fell open ever so slightly. It was a surprised light that lit his eyes and Kenny frowned in confusion for a moment as to what could have shocked him so much about his words and he rose an eyebrow in question.

"Y…You're blushing!" came the response that seemed to tumble from the others mouth as Kenny pulled his hand hastily up to his face, his eyes widening as he felt the heat radiating from his cheeks and with a sharp tug of the strings of his hood he quickly hid his face from view; stuffing his hands hastily into his pockets.

"Will you just get to the point!" He snapped moodily, turning his head away from the other with a well hidden pout.

Butters jumped at the sudden outburst and looked at the floor for a moment with a quiet "sorry".

This, in turn, made Kenny roll his eyes as he groaned and shook his head. "I need a cigarette, if you want to talk then you can join me outside…" He replied as he took the packet from his pocket and slipped one between his lips.

He barely took a step outside before he was lighting it up. He had a feeling he would be needing this.

They stood in silence for a long time, Kenny's cigarette burnt down to the brand print before Butters finally spoke.

"I… I just wanted you to know it's okay… W-what happened, I mean." He rushed out, swallowing back his nerves and shuffling on his feet a little.

Kenny frowned as his eyebrows knitted together in annoyance and he shook his head. "You're really a moron aren't you?" He found himself say without restraint. His own anger with himself bubbling forward. Butters should be pissed at him right now, not telling him everything was going to be okay. "It shouldn't be okay! I took your virginity with no regard to your feelings and you're just fine with that? What is _wrong with you?!_"

Kenny stopped dead there when he saw the pained look in Butters' eyes and he swept a hand across his face. "Sorry… That was uncalled for… I didn't mean that…" He quickly retracted, shaking his head a little. "But dude, I don't know why you are so calm. I'd be pissed off to fuck and out for someone's dick. My own in fact! And while I don't condone having my dick ripped off-" He amended quickly so there wouldn't be any miscommunications, "-you should at least give some reaction…"

Butters seemed to take a moment to let these words sink in before shrugging slightly. "Aww Ken, I can't be mad at you… It's not like you meant to do it..."

"No, I did mean to do it. I don't joke about wanting sex." He responded seriously, making the other blush crimson. Kenny smirked a little, it was revenge for his own pinked cheeks.

Man that was lame… What the hell was wrong with him?

"You kn-know what I-I meant…" came the shy reply and Kenny felt his smirk grow a little. He did always enjoy teasing Butters. "I just mean you didn't know the… uh… details…" he continued awkwardly.

Kenny nodded at that, taking another cigarette just so he had something to do.

"So… Where do we go from here then? I'm cool if you want nothing to do with me and all…" He said without really thinking it through.

Butters just smiled sweetly and shrugged. "Why would I do that? People make mistakes. Big or small." He said, going back to tapping his knuckles together for a moment. "I… I just didn't want you to beat yourself up over it…"

Kenny almost, _almost_ denied even caring about it; but managed to stop himself on time and simply nodded his head calmly. "Okay, fine."

Butters gave him a bright smile and suddenly Kenny found the aroma of coconuts assaulting his senses as the smaller male enveloped him in a tight hug.

The taller blonde found his eyes closing slowly at the remembered scent as he felt a familiar stirring in the pit of his stomach.

Not now… Fuck his body. It had only been three days with no sex, he really shouldn't be this easily aroused and with a resigned sigh he gently pushed the other male away.

"Stop that… it's weird at you're age…" He mumbled, pulling the strings of his hood tighter for good measure as he disposed of his second cigarette.

The smile on Butters face didn't diminish as he managed to convince Kenny to get in his car for a ride home.

And it only grew as the taller blonde had awkwardly offered to make a coffee for his companion as thanks for bringing him home.

McCormick rule number two: Never invite them in a second time. Broken.

And with that one simple act, Kenny had started a chain reaction that would put the spunky blonde as a permanent fixture of his life.

* * *

**RubyNote: **And here is chapter 2! This chapter is more of a set up into their lives than any real big plot point but I hope you enjoyed regardless.


	3. Get In a Fight

**When Life Gives You Vodka…**

…_Get In A Fight!_

Kenny McCormick had never considered himself someone who got lonely. In fact, if you'd have asked him, he would have told you that he liked the moments of solace; that they were his favourite times because he could just do what he wanted with no outside input.

But right now he felt lonely.

It had only been two weeks and a little blonde menace had waltzed into his life leaving him feeling empty just because he wasn't around for one day.

Granted; it shouldn't be that had. One day without the happy-go-lucky ball of sunshine shouldn't be that bad. Hell, Kenny considered him moderately annoying just a few short weeks ago and now look at him?

He was currently wallowing in his own self-pity, bored out of his mind on his one day off of this week. These were supposed to be his glory days for fucks sake.

He'd already attempted to call up Stan or Kyle to go hang out – but they were both unavailable. Kyle was preparing to go back to college and Stan was working. Typical really, none of them ever seemed to manage to get time where they were all free recently. He missed the good ol' days when they seemed to have all the time in the world to hang out…

And there was _no fucking way _he was stooping so low as to ask Cartman. It was painful enough to hang out with him as a child. As an adult; Kenny was afraid he may just murder the fat prick.

It seemed he only had one friend left to turn to: Vodka.

Vodka was always there for him, cheering him up when he was down… and today would be no exception.

Plus; he hadn't exactly drank much since Butters came barrelling into his life seemingly full time.

He was due a little fun time. Maybe he could even go out and pick someone up at a bar? Hmm, yeah, that was a very appealing idea… he hadn't got laid in a while – and his hand just didn't cut it at all.

* * *

Three am found him crawling back home with a pout and his hands stuffed into his pockets. It sucked, he had spent his night dancing and grinding up against people but not one of them seemed to be good enough to get him aroused.

And he fucking lived in a state of arousal!

It just didn't make sense… there were plenty of hot men _and _women, plenty who would have been willing to take him home but no – his body just didn't want it. Stupid fucking body… this new one must be broken. Just his luck.

He stumbled a little on the sidewalk, looking as if someone had just told him there was a worldwide ban on alcohol as he rubbed against the small bundle in his pocket.

The drink wasn't doing it, so maybe a smoke would get him out of his depressed funk.

As he opened the door to his apartment block he managed to take two steps before his whole body froze as he clocked sight of a figure on the stairs.

He paused, his eyes widening as his mood seemed to lift and his heart stutter as sweet blue eyes clashed with his own.

"B-Butters?! What are you doing here? H-how long have you been sat there? I thought you were busy today?" The questions were a flourish of words and if he had been sober he would have kicked himself for stuttering like that.

The smaller male let out a soft laugh, but his eyes seemed different – they were somehow shielded and this made Kenny frown with worry.

"Well, I've never had someone else stutter at me before… Am I dreaming?" The smaller male asked before tilting his head. "Are you going to stand there, or are you going to invite me in? These stairs aren't exactly comfortable on my butt…" He continued, not bothering to answer any of Kenny's questions.

The older male found himself simply nodding as he walked up the stairs, feeling a small shiver run along his spine as he got close enough to smell the soft coconut scent of the other.

_Well fuck, guess his libido still lived after all._

Finally opening his door he fell a little into his small apartment, shrugging off his coat and dropping it by the door as he moved aside to let his guest in.

Never in a million years would he have been prepared for what came out of Butters' mouth after that.

"Say, do you have anything to drink? Something strong would be good…"

In all the time Kenny had known Butters, he had never known him to be much of a drinker. And on the few times he had seen him drink; it had always been a light beer or an alcopop.

He found himself nodding numbly as he walked to the kitchen, grabbing two shot glasses and another bottle of vodka. When he returned, Butters had kicked off his shoes and was lying on the sofa bed, casually staring up at the ceiling.

Kenny stood for a few minutes, just staring before he knotted his eyebrows together and frowned.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked before his brain had even caught up enough to know something wasn't right.

He got a shake of the head as a response as the smaller male sat up slowly and took the bottle and glasses from his hands and poured them both a drink. Kenny took it for something to do and only sat when Butters mentioned that it was – in fact – his home and he could sit down.

The silence stretched on after that; both of them slowly getting through the shots Butters was pouring before Kenny finally remembered his little treat in his pocket.

It was perfect; last time Kenny had got Butters high, the smaller male had spewed all his thoughts and feelings without a care…

It was the perfect plan!

He jumped up with renewed energy, collecting his prize from his discarded jacket as he spent time looking for his grinder; glancing over to see a suddenly perky blonde watching his every move with the eyes of a child when being presented with a new toy waiting for his father to assemble it.

Once he was finished he smirked, proud of just how well he could roll a joint – even when drunk.

He was like a fucking superhero!

It was about half way between sharing the 'stick of truth' – as Kenny had decided to christen it – when Butters suddenly started speaking.

"Did your parents go mad when they found out that you do… things… with guys…?" The smaller male had suddenly blurted out, making Kenny blink at the sudden noise and he found himself laughing.

"Dude, my folks would have to actually take a minute to know about my life to even come close…" He answered honestly, it was no secret that his parents didn't take much notice. He was just glad poor Karen was able to get out and start university away from the bad reputation of the family.

Butters just seemed to nod at his words as he sighed, pulling his legs up to his chest and sitting up. He looked so small and it took all of Kenny's willpower to not just envelope the poor kid in a hug.

"My parents would disown me if they found out…" He mumbled sadly, shaking his head a little.

Kenny flinched for a moment; so that was it? Butters' folks had found out what they did and had gone ballistic. A sudden sickening feeling hit his chest as he chewed on his lip. Guilt maybe?

"How did they…?" He started, not really knowing how to continue.

He was met by a horrified look at a sharp shake of the head; doing nothing more than confusing him further and so he rose an eyebrow in question.

"It's Cartman-"

"Oh of course it would have something to do with that lard-ass bastard…" Kenny found himself snapping, rolling his eyes at the thought. That fat, useless asshole was always the bane of everyone's existence it seemed.

Butters held up his hands quickly and shook his head. "It's my own fault… I-I… I don't know… It just is…"

Kenny shook his head as he took another shot of vodka. He highly doubted that it wasn't anyone but Cartman's fault – and he didn't even know what he was blaming him for yet!

He didn't have long to wait though before Butters continued with his explanation. "Did you know that… w-when we were kids…? Cartman took a picture… o-of… well uhm… it was dirty…" He said, fumbling as he turned the prettiest shade of pink.

Kenny frowned in thought for a moment, he did seem to recall something about Cartman showing the class a picture of him with Butters dick in his mouth – but if anything that was incriminating to the fatass, not to Butters.

He simply nodded, waiting for the smaller male to continue.

"Well… W-well, h-he… he's still got that p-picture… a-and he says he won't show anyone a-as long as I do… _things…_ for him…" He mumbled, slipping back into silence as he hugged himself tighter.

The older blonde frowned, crossing his arms as his now sluggish brain tried to dissect that information. What was that supposed to mean? The blackmail aspect was more than obvious; Cartman thrived on blackmail so that was no surprise but – wait?! He didn't mean?

"Like… _Sexual favours_?" He asked, dreading the answer even before he saw Butters slowly nod. "_Son-of-a!_" It was like a sudden haze encompassed him and he snapped up to a standing position as his hands balled into fists at his side. "What the fuck?! That's not fucking on!" He growled, not knowing what had caused the sudden rage inside him at that moment.

"I'll fucking kill him!"

And before Butters had time to even think of stopping him; Kenny was out the door, slamming it behind him.

* * *

By the time Butters had got on his shoes and grabbed Kenny's keys, Kenny had been well on his way. Butters had ran the whole way but still only just managed to turn up at Cartman's place in time to catch them in the middle of a screaming match.

"I'll do what I want, bitch!" That was Cartman, his big meaty hand gripping on the doorframe as Kenny stood before him, his hands balled at his sides.

"No fatass, you fucking cannot!" The blonde screamed back, his whole body was shaking and Butters flinched. He had seen Kenny get into fights at work before and they never ended well.

"Eh! Don't call me fat, poor boy! It's nothing to do with you!"

"I'm making it to do with me, you fat fuck! Leave him alone! It's _you _that is incriminated! _He _was asleep! Don't think I won't make sure he knows it either!"

Butters took in a sharp intake of breath at that, his eyes widening drastically. It didn't incriminate him? Then… Then he had been doing this for nothing? He was so _stupid!_

It seemed like they didn't even realise he was there as he stood staring, none of their words filtering through anymore as he tried to wrap his head around the fact that he had nothing to worry about. He watched blankly as Kenny seemed to get more and more irritated and Butters felt a fluttering in his chest.

He was sticking up for him – Eric and Kenny had been best friends for as long as he could remember but yet; Kenny was taking his side, he was defending him…

It made tears well up in the small blonde's eyes; no one had been this willing to stick up for him before and he sniffled slightly as the overwhelming feelings of joy encompassed him. He'd always theorised that Kenny wasn't near as bad as people made him out to be; Butters always believed Kenny had a heart of gold somewhere in him but this – he'd never have thought he would do something like this for him.

However his happy feeling came crashing down as he suddenly watched Kenny lunge at Cartman, his fist hitting the bigger males face with a loud crack.

_Shit!_

He dived forward just as Cartman managed to get his own punch in, hitting Kenny square in the mouth and splitting his lip instantly.

This continued for a while, both males rolling in the snow, delivering sickening punches and kicks until Butters finally managed to pry a shaking and furious Kenny off of the other.

"Let me go! I'm gonna rip him apart!" He yelled as Butters held firm. He was thankful that Kenny was so skinny; he didn't think he'd be able to pull him back had Kenny had a bit more weight to him.

"Kenny, stop! It's not worth it!" He pleaded, feeling terrible that he was the cause of all this and flinching when Kenny suddenly deflated.

Cartman had managed to get off the ground by now and was panting heavily as blood flowed from his nose and his eye showed the first signs that it would be black by morning. "Yeah Kinny! Do as you're little girlfriend says… such a good boy!" He mocked, jumping back as Kenny growled and lunged for him again, only being held back by the two arms around his waist.

Cartman knew he wasn't safe to stay out here, and he slipped inside whilst Butters was trying to calm the taller blonde down, locking the doors behind him.

It took almost ten minutes before Kenny was finally calm enough for Butters to deem it safe to let him go. He growled quietly, wiping a hand across his lip, smearing blood on his face.

"Fucking shit!" he cursed angrily as the sting in his lip shot through him and he huffed, storming off back down the street in the way he came, leaving an unsure Butters behind, wondering if it was okay to follow him. "Well, are you coming?" He called over his shoulder, not slowing as the smaller male snapped to attention and quickly jogged to meet him.

The walk back took longer than the way there as they both walked in complete silence. Butters watched as people would purposefully cross the road to avoid them – or, more accurately, avoid Kenny – and he frowned, noticing how the other male had crossed his arms over his chest, his body wracked with shivers.

He still looked agitated and Butter frowned, he also looked freezing with nothing more than a thin t-shirt on.

Shrugging off his thick coat, Butters tentatively jogged forward, draping it over the taller male's shoulders and offering a shy smile as Kenny turned to look at him. He shook his head a little and shrugged. "I'm too warm anyway, I have a fleece and two shirts on anyway…" He half lied – He was telling the truth about his amount of clothes, but he was pretty cold still.

Kenny bit his lip and muttered a quiet "thanks" as he hugged the jacket tighter to him; it was warm and it had the same soft coconut scent as its owner and as he closed his eyes and took a slow deep breath he found that same scent to be comforting and calming. His shoulders relaxed as his body stopped being so tense whilst Butters' scent enveloped his senses, bringing him to a quiet peace that normally would take drugs to bring him too.

Once they got back, Kenny immediately hit the bottle – and quite literally at that – as he forwent the glass and simply started chugging from the neck of the bottle. Once half was down he let out a sigh, blood now covering the opening of the bottle as he slammed it down on the table wordlessly.

Butters bit his lip and sighed, turning to walk to the small bathroom and picking up a clean towel from the rickety rail and carefully dampening the corner with cold water before heading back to where Kenny was sat on the bed.

It was clear that the older male was still thinking on everything and annoyed by the crease in his brows. Tentatively, the smaller male moved to crouch in front of Kenny, gently tipping his chin and wiping the blood from his chin, making the taller boy flinch.

"Y-you didn't have to do that…" He whispered quietly as his fingers worked with gentle touches to clean his companion. "But thank you… no one's ever done something like that for me before…"

Kenny flinched, not at the sting but at Butters' words as his eyes flicked to the side awkwardly. "Well someone has to put that fat fucking asshole in his place…" He mumbled, hissing slightly as the towel touched a particularly sore spot – but the vodka was slowly working to remedy that, giving Kenny a feeling of painlessness.

No more words were exchanged between the two as Butters continued his work on Kenny's lip, dropping the towel when he was done, checking the bleeding had stopped. He examined the rest of Kenny's face, noticing the angry red skin just on his cheek bone and gently brushing his thumb over the spot.

Kenny's skin was so soft, especially for a guy and Butters found himself marvelling at the texture as his thumb ran down and next to Kenny's lips; eyes glancing up as the taller male took a sharp intake of breath – deep blue eyes suddenly locking with lighter, more innocent ones.

Butters wasn't sure what possessed him to move like he did, all he knew is his heart was beating faster and all he could think about was how those lips felt so good.

Gingerly he pressed his own lips against the bruised pink ones above him, his tongue lightly soothing over the broken skin as he felt rather than heard the soft moan that bubbled from his companion's throat.

Kenny always had such an… _earthy_ smell to him – like walking through a field after a storm – and Butters always loved that rich scent. He pressed a little closer, his hands braced on the taller male's legs as he felt Kenny relax into the kiss, his lips starting to move under Butters' careful ministrations.

And suddenly the smaller blonde found a hand in his hair as he was pulled up slightly and Kenny started to take control, his tongue pressing eagerly into the pliant mouth below him; demanding entrance – which Butters was more than willing to give.

Kenny was like this before; he was so passionate, his every move just whatever he wanted and what felt good and it made Butters shiver in anticipation. He could feel something different from the last time now – a tense air that was a dead giveaway that the older male was holding back.

But that wasn't what Butters wanted at all, he wanted him to be more relaxed and as they parted for breath, both panting against each other's mouth, Kenny's hand in his hair preventing Butters from moving far – not that he was complaining of course.

He could feel Kenny's erection straining through his jean's and against his stomach and he let a slow, sly smile creep onto his face evoking a curious frown from the male above him; a frown that was soon morphed into an open mouth moan as Butters hand slowly rubbed against his clothed member.

Half-lidded eyes peered down at the smaller male and he felt empowered by how such a little act caused such a pleasured look on the others face. His hands moved deftly to unbutton the offending cloth, the sound of a zipper echoing in the empty room…

His heart was beating wildly as he licked his lips, his body thrumming with the need to keep that look on Kenny's face…

…until a large hand encompassed his own, stopping him as he was about to reach for his prize.

"S-stop… oh fuck… just… you don't have to do this…" His words were forced and panted, his hands shaking as he struggled to find enough self-restraint to stop this from going any further.

Butters looked up and gave a sheepish smile as his cheeks started to dust with that adorable shade of pink and he looked away shyly. "B-b-but, I-I-I want too…" He whispered quietly, biting his lip nervously.

There was silence for a few minutes as Butters dared to look up through his bangs at his companion; it was clear Kenny was having some internal debate with himself as his face scrunched slightly before he finally let his hand fall away from where he was blocking Butters from continuing.

And the latter male wasted no time in continuing where he left off – leaving no time for Kenny to change his mind as he slid the others length from its confines, licking his lips at the pearly drop of pre-cum beading at the tip.

He chanced one more glance upwards before ducking his head to swipe his tongue over the slit, lapping up the salty liquid with a soft groan of his own as he felt Kenny tense slightly, glancing under his bangs to catch the older male pressing his folded finger between his teeth as he held back his sounds.

The smaller male pouted at this – it just wouldn't do! – He wanted to _hear _him, to know he was making him feel _good._

And he knew exactly what to do to get what he wanted.

He took a slow breath as he took the head into his mouth, his tongue swirling over the tip before engulfing him completely into his throat and swallowing once before pulling back again.

He almost smirked when he heard a keening moan from above as deft fingers tangled themselves once again in his hair as he continued to repeat the motions; his hand coming up to stroke the base of Kenny's manhood where his mouth just couldn't quite reach.

The older blonde was squirming beneath him, his hips restless as Butter's used his free hand to pin his hips to the bed, earning himself a frustrated whine in response. He smirked, letting his teeth graze the sensitive underside of Kenny's length, causing the aforementioned male to collapse back completely on the bed, his back arching slightly.

"F-fuck! Oh god! I-If you… if you keep that up… I-" But the words were drowned out in another moan as Butters repeated the action, his eyes glued to the writhing male that was – for now at least – completely at his mercy.

The only warning Butters was given as Kenny reached his climax was a near frantic tugging of his hair as his mouth was filled with his hot seed and he groaned at the taste. Call him crazy, but Butters had always somewhat enjoyed the taste of semen and now was no different.

He swallowed slowly as he lifted himself back onto the bed a little, letting out a yelp as he was dragged down to a hungry mouth as strong arms wrapped tightly around him.

The kiss continued, getting lazier as the time went on until Butters had to push away with a laugh when he started to become light headed from the lack of oxygen.

"D-damn… I need to breathe…" He whispered on a quiet chuckle as he lay his head down against the taller male's shoulder, feeling each deep breath the other took.

When Kenny finally found his voice he laughed softly and shook his head. "Damn, dude. Where the fuck did you learn to give head like that?" He asked, seeming a lot more relaxed and like himself now and it made Butters smile.

"Here and there…" He answered, not planning on expanding any further. Not that he seemed to have too as the next moment found his companion yawning as his eyes started to drift close. He smiled as he sat up, ignoring the whining protests from the lazy male on the bed as he removed Kenny's shoes and adjusted his jeans, lying his head properly on the pillows.

He smiled fondly as Kenny groaned and buried his head in the pillow, sinking into its softness and he turned to leave before he was suddenly dragged back onto the bed with a warm chest against his back and an arm wrapped securely around his waist, making him giggle.

Well who woulda thought that Kenny McCormick of all people was a cuddler?

He shook his head with a quiet laugh and opened his mouth to speak before he was cut off by a soft "Stay… please…" that tugged at his heart and had him instantly relaxing on the bed, kicking off his shoes.

He tried to shift so he could face the other male but the arm around him just got tighter as the other male nuzzled against his neck softly and he felt himself melting back into his embrace – his parents would kill him in the morning…

…But with Kenny's warm body enveloping his own, for once he couldn't care less.

The smell of coconut and warm feeling of Butter's body was the last thing Kenny remembered as he fell into a deep sleep, a small, secret smile on his lips at how nice it felt.

'_It would be nice to wake up like this…' _was his last conscious thought before darkness took over his senses.

Unfortunately, the morning was not what he had hoped for and when he opened blurry eyes the bed was cold and he was alone – left with the smell of Butters on his bed and on the jacket he was still wearing…

Well fuck… now he knew how all his previous partners felt when he did his usual 'ditch before they wake up' routine…

And fuck didn't it feel like shit…

* * *

**RubyNote: **And here's chapter three! With added lime :3.

I forgot to mention in the last post, I know I added OC's but theywont really be making many appearances, maybe just little snippits here and there if I feel the need for them. They're mostly just there cause I needed someone to own the club and the kind of people I wanted were easier to just create from mine and my friends characters._  
_

I also want to dedicate this chapter to the lovely serendipityrain711 for the darling reviews that make me want to keep writing and updating so quickly. I hope you like this chapter doll! And thank you for the lovely support! ^_^


	4. Throw A Tantrum

**When Life Gives You Vodka…**

…_Throw A Tantrum._

Kenny was not upset.

He was _fine!_

_Perfectly fucking peachy!_

So Butters had left him? Big deal. He wasn't some clingy and whiney child, pining for his carer. He was a grown fucking adult and he didn't need taking care of!

He sighed as he swung his legs over the side of his bed, attempting to sit up before a swirling vortex of pain assaulted his head and he found himself gripping his hair with a string of curse-words. Okay, *maybe someone to take care of him whilst he nursed his hangover would be a good idea.

But not Butters.

Butters could go fuck himself.

Maybe he was being a little harsh, but he wasn't feeling very forgiving as the daylight cascaded over his face, slamming against his eyes and causing a trigger of pain throughout his temples.

He needed to vent… And he was still pretty pissed at Cartman, so maybe going somewhere where the fat tosser wasn't; was a good plan.

And with that a smirk started to form on his lips as he realised there was one person who hated C*artman more than he himself did; Kyle.

So, with that notion in mind – and a cheeky few mouthfuls of the leftover vodka – Kenny was off out the door, not planning on calling ahead; after all, Kyle's family were used to him just showing up out of **the blue over the years.

Sheila would do anything if it involved a 'poor child' she figured she could save – and Kenny went along for the food. Damn that bitch wasn't much to look at – but she could fucking cook.

He pulled his hood tightly around him, blocking out as much of the sunlight as possible as he walked with hunched shoulders along the street. He hoped Kyle still kept a stash – there was no way he was going to actually go through with this hangover in the mood he was in. Fuck that.

He stepped up to the door, knocking solidly before stepping back and stuffing his hands back in his pockets as he listened to some shuffling coming from the other side of the door.

Sheila opened the door with her usual beaming smile, though Kenny really didn't feel like reciprocating as he slid his hood down out of politeness.

"Morning, Mrs. Broflovski." He chorused softly as he shuffled on his feet a little under her suddenly scrutinizing gaze.

"Kenny dear, what happened to you? You're face is all bruised… Oh sweetheart, are the other kids picking on you again?"

Kenny had to stop himself from laughing, Kyle's mum always had a way of forgetting he was a legal adult now. But it was still sweet in its own way.

"No, Mrs. Broflovski. I'm a grown man, I can take care of myself. Just got into a little scrape is all…" He said, mustering up a small smile at the woman.

She tsked in response and shook her head. "Now, I've told you before, just call me Sheila." She answered, stepping aside to let him in. "Kyle's upstairs in his room – as always. Just go on up and I'll make you some dinner, you must be starving."

And before Kenny could argue that actually he didn't feel like eating; she was gone. He sighed as he shook his head, slipping off his worn down converse and trudging up the stairs as he had done a thousand times before.

Kyle was casually lay on his bed, leafing through a comic book when Kenny opened the door. He leant against the doorframe for a few moments when he realised Kyle hadn't noticed he was there. He shook his head and hummed.

"Aren't you getting too old for comics now, dude?" He asked, laughing when Kyle jumped sharply at the sound of his voice. His finger came up automatically as he realised who the voice belonged too and he went back to reading.

"Like you can talk, I've seen all the comics under your bed." He responded, his eyes glued to the coloured pages before him.

Kenny snorted and rolled his eyes as he wandered restlessly around the room, trying to locate where Kyle would have stashed his booze. "Mine are dirty ones. Dirty comics full of sex do not constitute as 'children's reading material'." He argued plainly, his back to his friend as he slid open the desk drawers one by one.

Kyle drew his eyes from his reading material and chuckled a little. "Shoebox above the wardrobe…" He commented idly before, dropping the pages to his lap. "And seriously, I didn't think gay guys read that much porn… aren't they supposed to be like girls?" He asked as Kenny reached for the box on tiptoes, his fingertips just brushing his prize.

"Maybe; but I'm not gay."

Kyle raised an eyebrow at that and shook his head a little; getting up to assist his friend. "You fuck, suck and toss dick. What else would you call yourself?"

"I'm omnisexual." The slightly smaller male responded as Kyle handed him the box, finally close enough to see the bruises and split lip that adorned his long term friends' face. "I'll fuck anything that lets me…" He finished, seeming to not notice the shocked look Kyle was giving him as he opened the box and threw himself onto the bed with a gleeful expression.

Normally Kyle would jump on the chance to comment on Kenny's sex life but right now he was too busy watching the other's face and examining the damage.

"What the fuck happened to your face!?" He blurted as Kenny managed to get the bottle of rum open, taking a large swallow before flinching.

"Was kinda hoping I could be drunker before we started talking about this…" He sighed, whining as Kyle took the bottle from him. He knew the drill; he wasn't getting it back until he spilled his guts and he groaned. "I got in a fight."

"No shit you got in a fight! Who the hell with?!" Kyle asked, shaking his head a little. "Fuck… they got you good…" He murmured as Kenny growled and grabbed for the bottle. "No, tell me who and then you get it."

Kenny rolled his eyes, crossing his arms with what was most definitely _not _a pout. It took a few moments before he finally mumbled, "Cartman…" and snatched the bottle back when Kyle finally let it go.

He took his chance and chugged down a good amount before Kyle started his tirade of questions – which Kenny had no doubt were coming – and settled back against the wall.

"Okay, so why did you get into a fight with Cartman for? You have been ignoring his existence for at least four years now…"

Kenny groaned and shrugged a little, picking at the edge of the paper sticker on the bottle. "He did something I didn't agree with and I was drunk and I went to smash him up…" He answered vaguely, making the redhead roll his eyes.

"That's abundantly obvious. But _what _did he do, exactly?" He answered, talking as one would to a child.

Kenny balked at that and shifted uncomfortably, not answering for a long while as he ran a hand through his hair. He felt a little awkward right now about the whole thing… especially after waking up alone and he chewed his lip for a few moments.

The silence was broken by Sheila coming in with food and Kenny thought he had been saved before Kyle took the sandwiches from her and told her they were busy; sending her quickly on her way before turning back to his friend. "Well?"

Kenny took another drink from the bottle, shaking his head and frowning. The alcohol was slowly seeping into his bloodstream, making him feel a little less awkward. "It… It was something he did to Butters…" He finally answered, groaning when Kyle simply waved his hand to indicate that he should continue.

He didn't know how long he ended up talking for; but by the amount of cigarettes piled in the ashtray from the two of them, it was a while. And when he finally finished giving a play-by-play of the last couple of weeks, the bottle of rum was empty and he moved on to the second and last bottle that had been in the box.

"And the fat prick got lucky… I swear I would have ripped him apart if Butters hadn't have come and dragged me off the fucking bastard!" He huffed as he lit up another cigarette, angered anew by having to recite the events.

Kyle, for the most part, had been silent; simply watching his friend and taking in the information he had been given. Kenny flinched as he clocked onto the calculating look his friend was giving him and rolled his eyes. "Don't fucking analyse me! I'm not one of your damn psychology assessments!" He growled, taking another swallow from the bottle before standing up and starting to pace restlessly.

"And seriously! Who fucking does that to people?! It's sick! And Butters of all people who is totally naïve and would believe his shit!"

This continued on for a while, Kyle unable to even get a single word in while Kenny went off on a tangent of swearing and agitated pacing that soon escalated to throwing books and kicking whatever he come close too.

"I am just so sick of his shit! Going through life thinking he is better than everyone else and abusing them and shit! It's just..!" He ended his tirade with a scream of frustration as his fist suddenly came into contact with the solid wall, tearing him out of his little temper tantrum as the pain splintered through his hands. "Fuck!"

Kyle groaned, standing and dragging his frustrated friend back to the bed, putting the bottle back in his hand. He was used to having Kenny come over and vent so he simply left the mess of books and various other things where they were. Kenny always had enough sense to not go for any breakables or valuables anyway – testament to this being the neat stack of school books still sitting on his side table.

"Dude, just chill for a moment… I'm still not sure why you're so worked up about this. Cartman has been doing shit like this for years and you've never given a damn about it any other time…" Kyle pointed out calmly as he crossed his arms once again.

"It's different!" Came the almost petulant reply from the blonde on the bed.

Kyle raised an eyebrow at that and hmm-ed knowingly. "And how is it different?" He asked plainly, staying where he was stood in case Kenny decided to have another bitch-fit.

"It just is!" The other responded, throwing his hands up into the air and huffing sulkily. "Not that it even matters I suppose… He still ditched out on me…" He grumbled under his breath.

But Kyle caught the words nonetheless and frowned. "Who? Cartman?"

"No you dickhead! Butters."

Kyle blinked for a few moments as he let his arms fall to his side; okay, now he was confused. "How do you mean?"

Kenny's eyes widened for a split second and he turned away, shaking his head, officially refusing to talk about it.

But Kyle wasn't so easily deterred and he smirked, crawling on the bed slowly. "If you tell me; I'll help you with some stress relief…" He purred close to the others face, gaining exactly the reaction he had intended when he saw Kenny shiver.

If there was one sure way to get Kenny to talk it was sex. And Kenny hated how easily Kyle knew to manipulate him so.

Especially when he knew that with Kyle there were never any strings attached. It was all about the moment and then Kyle was back to his studies and nothing ore was said. And oh god was that just what the blonde needed right now.

He sighed heavily and shook his head a little. "Fine…" He purposefully ignored the smirk he got in return and shook his head. "I kinda… may have… accidentally… uh… takenButters'virginity…" The last part was mumbled quickly without pause; but Kyle was a very good at lip reading and caught on all the same. He sat back up on his knees sharply, eyes as wide as saucers.

"You did what?!" He didn't quite know what to say to that. Everyone knew about Kenny and his 'rules' and so this was a pretty big deal – especially when you add on his (what Kyle was now going to deem) protective rampage on Cartman to the mix.

"Can we just fuck now so I can pretend it didn't happen?" The blonde complained; but already knowing it wasn't going to be that simple…

* * *

Unfortunately for Kyle, if Kenny wanted something bad enough; he could be just as manipulative.

And as they lay, both sweating and panting beneath his sheets, Kyle laughed a little as Kenny started nuzzling against his neck. "Hey; stop that! It tickles!" He protests, laughing harder as Kenny huffed and bit his shoulder.

"So, care to tell me what pissed you off then? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you're argument with Cartman wasn't what made you as antsy as you so clearly are."

Kenny whined as he buried closer to his friend, mumbling something against Kyle's skin that would have been impossible for the redhead to hear. "Seriously, just tell me. I'm not exactly going to judge…"

Kenny frowned and moved so his mouth was free, keeping himself out of proper view from prying eyes. "He left me this morning… We got back to mine, he sucked me off and then left before I woke up. There. Happy now?" He huffed like a sulking child as he felt the other flinch beneath him.

"I see…" He said calmly, pursing his lips in thought for a moment. He knew normally Kenny wouldn't have cared about things like that – hell he would normally be thankful to not have to kick them out awkwardly. But already Kyle was starting to wonder if there wasn't more to this whole situation than what his blonde friend was letting on.

But also; Kyle was wondering if said friend even realised himself.

The conversation was dropped after that and instead they dressed and played some videogames; something Kenny really felt he needed to cheer him up – not that the sex hadn't already helped with that – and ate the delicious foods Sheila brought up once Kyle called for more.

All in all it hadn't ended as a bad day, and as he slipped his shoes back on and prepared to leave as the night drew in he laughed as Kyle ruffled his hair and declined a ride back. He had to pick up more cigarettes anyway – though they were being paid for by Kyle after the redhead had argued that he _had _helped finish the last pack.

He was feeling pretty good as he let himself back into his apartment, planning on getting some sleep ready for his shift the next night.

He had just slid off his jeans and was about to get into bed when there was a loud knock on his door. He frowned as he got back up heading to the door without much of a care for his state of undress. He was more annoyed that someone thought it was okay to just show up at almost midnight hammering on his door as if they were in a panic.

If it was Cartman coming back for more he was going to get arrested by the end of the night. He could just see it now.

When he opened the door however, Butters had been the last person he had thought he would see there. The smaller blonde flinched and shuffled a little on his feet awkwardly as Kenny stared at him with disbelieving eyes.

When Butters finally broke the silence, Kenny felt the repressed upset slip back on and he didn't even factor in the words.

"Where have you been all day? I've been looking everywhere."

Kenny snorted; if that had been true he would have been easily found. Anyone who knew him knew to check at Stan or Kyle's so he didn't believe that for a second. Instead he debated just how he was going to answer that, his brows knitting together in annoyance as Butters seemed to wilt underneath his gaze.

"Wh-what is it?" The smaller male stuttered out quietly, his hands coming up to crush his knuckles against each other and Kenny found himself annoyed further that the other had the audacity to look sheepish and clueless.

And so he just slammed the door, jamming the lock into place and sighing heavily, leaving a confused and startled Butters on the other side of the solid wood.

And he just prayed Butters would leave – for his own sanity, and perhaps more importantly – for his pride.

He would _not _cry over this.

And especially not in front of Butters.

* * *

**RubyNote: **Poor Kenny getting all upset. But did Butters really just up and leave him like that? ...I don't know, I haven't thought yet xD

On another note; my best friend/roommate/beta reader has offered to write a bonus chapter featuring the sex scene between Kenny and Kyle so if you would be interested in a bonus chapter then let us know in the comments!


	5. Dance Like No One Is Watching

**When Life Gives You Vodka…**

…_Dance Like No One Is Watching_

Butters was used to being confused, hell; half the time he wondered if he spent his life being anything but confused.

But this was more than that.

Judging by the look on Kenny's face when he'd shut the door; Butters had definitely done something to upset him, severely. Now if only he knew what, then they'd be in business. However, Butters was clueless on that too.

He knew one thing though; he was not leaving until he wasn't confused. Because one thing he wasn't confused about was how he felt about the blonde on the other side of the door.

People would call him stupid – not that it would be anything new – and they would think he lost his mind. But he hadn't, he knew what he was feeling wasn't just some 'stupid infatuation' as people may think. Kenny had been the first person in this world to not treat him entirely like he was stupid.

He treated him like the one thing Butters craved; a person worth protecting and caring about.

And even if the taller blonde would be quick to deny that; Butters just somehow knew he did care. It showed in the way he never – usually – turned him away. In the way he laughed and smiled like he was a kid again when they were together.

…In the way he had gone over to Cartman's in his defence, without any care to his own wellbeing.

Yes; Butters believed he knew what this feeling was.

He was falling for the scraggly male. And he was falling hard and fast.

He should have been scared; he'd be lying if he said he hadn't been when these feelings first arrived – even before the night they shared. But he just felt so warm being around the other, so protected. He didn't want that to end and he was willing to travel any lengths to keep it.

But first he had to get the stubborn blonde to open the door and tell him what was wrong. And that was no easy feat; if there was one thing Butters could say about Kenny it was that he was good at keeping his thoughts and feelings to himself if he deemed he needed too. He had a steel, impenetrable mask that both enthralled and terrified the smaller male.

He sighed as he lay his forehead against the door, wondering what steps to take. For a start he didn't know where Kenny was inside the small apartment. He could shout; odds were that the apartment was small enough that Kenny would hear him no matter where he was–

A hit to his forehead brought Butters out of his musings and he jumped back suddenly, blinking as he reached out a hand, both feeling and hearing the light tap against the door. It almost felt like – no, Butters was certain of what it was. Kenny was hitting his head against the door and that meant one thing: He hadn't completely walked away.

This was enough to give him a spark of hope.

"Ken? I-I know you're there…" He willed his voice to be steady, right now it was no good if he let his nerves get the best of him.

Kenny flinched on the other side of the door. He had thought Butters would have just left after an initial pause. He should have known better though. "Go 'way." He murmured, just loud enough to be heard through the door.

"Just tell me what's wrong… Did I upset you somehow?" He asked, wracking his brain for any possible clues to what could have got the blonde so annoyed with him. They had been getting along great until now. "Is it about last night? I thought you said–"

"It's not about you fucking sucking me off, moron!" Came the sharp reply from behind the door, making Butters flinch as he took his hand from the door.

"Then what did I do?" He could hear the pleading in his own voice but he really didn't care at all in that moment. "Whatever it is, I'm sorry… Can't we just talk about this? I-I… I brought movies and some popcorn… I thought we could… uhm…"

There was a hollow laugh from behind the wood and Butters bit his lip sadly – apparently not. He didn't need to hear the next words to realise this wasn't going to be smoothed over easily.

"Why? Felt guilty and needed to feel better? Well don't bother! I'm fine and I don't need it!"

Guilty? Okay he was getting more and more confused. What did he do that he would be feeling guilty about? Did he say something in his sleep? He knew he had a problem with sleep talking; but he couldn't imagine him ever saying a bad word about the older blonde.

"Please… Just tell me what I did…" He was almost desperate now to know what had made the other feel like this. Butters just hoped Kenny was still – because it was obvious he had been drinking with the way his words were thicker than usual – drunk enough to be willing to share a little more.

It seemed to be the case because after another long pause there was the sound of shuffling and Butters had to strain his ear against the wood to hear the next sentence.

"You left me… Why?" The last part made Butter's heart clench in his chest. He had never, not in the many years he had known Kenny, heard him sound so small and defenceless as he did in that moment and his fingers dug into the wood, wishing he could just reach out to him.

"I… I had to go. I had an appointment to attend too about buying an apartment. I told you I was waiting for a call… remember?"

Kenny did remember something about Butters trying to move from his childhood home and for a moment he hesitated, considering opening the door before his eyes narrowed. No. If that was the case then why hadn't Butters left a note… or even just woke him up.

"Liar!" He growled through the door, hating that he had almost been weak enough to fall for such a simple excuse. "If that was true you could have let me know somehow… You… you could have woke me… or…" He stopped there though, swiping at his eyes in frustration. He hadn't shed a tear since he was in elementary school and he wasn't going to damn well start now.

He didn't care that Butters had left. He just wasn't willing to keep being pulled back and forth. To be kept dangling on a string!

Butters had frozen at the sound of the others voice, frowning deeply as he considered the words.

So that was what this was all about? He breathed a sigh of relief at that.

"Oh sweetheart…" He whispered softly, pressing his palms against the hard grain of the door. "I did leave a message… I said I'd come back later. I put it on the fridge…"

Kenny stilled completely as the words sunk in and his eyes widened. He swallowed thickly, hoping and praying to whatever deity would listen that Butters was lying and he had done no such thing. But alas; as he pushed from the door to look into the small kitchenette he could see the scrap of paper resting just above the handle.

If Kenny had been in a better mood that morning and had not rushed to conclusions, he would have gone to the fridge to make his usual coffee and would have seen the note.

Well fuck.

Now what?

He mulled this new information over for a few minutes. He had been a complete dick and automatically thought the worst. He felt more than just a little wretched right now and he frowned shuffling awkwardly on his feet as he finally relented and started to open the door.

"Let us never speak of this…" He started, for the sake of his pride. He looked at the floor, his hair hanging over his eyes but not managing to hide the blush that crept across his cheeks. He fell back sharply against the back wall as he suddenly found himself enveloped by the smaller male, the grip tight and crushing.

He screwed his eyes shut as Butters buried his head in his chest, willing the tears away. His body shook a little with the effort but he hoped the smaller male wouldn't notice.

When he started to feel a small wetness on his shirt he flinched and swallowed heavily, he may have been hoping Butters didn't notice his own shaking; but in that thought he himself had missed the tell-tale shaking wracking the others' body.

Well damn; not only had he been a dick, but he had managed to make Butters cry.

'_Nice one McCormick.'_

"I'm sorry… I-I sh-should have le-left it s-somewhere better…" Kenny felt the words against his chest and felt sickened by himself. He closed his eyes and gently wound his arms around Butters shoulders tightly, placing a soft – and uncharacteristic – kiss atop the smaller males head.

"No, it's my fault… I took for granted that you aren't like people like me. You have a better heart than that…"

Whatever he had expected after speaking, it had not been Butters hand suddenly coming into sharp contact with his already bruised cheek – nor the narrowed eyes of someone who was very suddenly, very mad.

"Stop it! I am sick of hearing you talk like this about yourself!" He snapped, his red puffy eyes not really helping him look at all threatening. But he had still managed to stunt Kenny's speech and that was enough. "You go on about how you fuck up… how you aren't a good person, but you are! You go out of your way to help others – many who didn't even deserve it and yet you never give yourself credit! You got all beaten up over me and no one else would have ever… ever done that!"

Kenny blinked, his cheek was throbbing and he felt a little sick from the pain of it but more so he felt overwhelming feelings to what Butters was saying about him. Was this really what he thought? Kenny wasn't sure he could wholly believe it himself.

"And… and you're so calm and laid back… No matter what abuse people give you, you stand strong and aren't afraid to be wh-who you are! I wish I could be like you… You're such a… a wonderful person… you-"

Kenny had heard enough, as a tear managed to break free from his eyes he knew he had to shut the other up before this got too far. And Kenny knew there was one fail safe way of shutting anyone up; no matter what mood they were in or how angry they were with him.

So he kissed him.

* * *

Things seemed to settle after that, Butters spent most of his free time over at Kenny's. They went to work together, even made sure that they always had the same days off so they could spend their time watching movies and just generally enjoying each other's company, sometimes sharing occasional kisses and fumbling's on the sofa-bed but Kenny always being the one to stop things if they tried to go any further – much to Butters' growing annoyance.

It was… pleasant though.

They didn't much talk about what had happened that night, Kenny still too embarrassed to want to talk about it and Butters respecting his wishes.

But one thing always seemed to nag at Kenny's mind; If Butters had spent all day looking for him – then why hadn't he tried at Kyle's?

The thought popped once more into his head as they were lay on his bed. Butters was sat up against the back, absently playing with tufts of Kenny's hair as the taller blonde lay with his head on his lap and his legs hanging of the side of the bed as he scrolled through the list of music on Butters' phone.

It was a lot more high tech than his own simple device. And he had found that Butters had a pretty good taste in music.

But right now his mind was on that night and he finally broke the comfortable silence. They were half a bottle of vodka down between the two of them, but neither would be drunk by anyone's standards – perhaps comfortably merry would be a better explanation.

"Say dude…" He started awkwardly, keeping his eyes trained to the phone in his hand as he tilted it just so, giving him a view of Butters' reflection as he saw the other turn his head to pay attention. "When you said you were looking for me that day… I just wondered… Why didn't you check Kyle's place? I was there all day…" He said calmly, trying to inject an air of nonchalance in his voice as he studied the others reflection for a reaction.

Butters looked surprised for a moment as his mouth fell open in silence. He shook his head and scrunched his face a little. "I... I did… Kyle's mom said you were there… but then she left me downstairs for a while to go find you… and when she came back she said you must have left…" He explained, looking down at the suddenly pale blonde below him. "Are you okay?"

Kenny swallowed and forced himself to nod slowly as it dawned on him that there was only one time in that day that Sheila would have turned Butters away. And that would have been if Kenny and Kyle had been doing something that she didn't think it was okay for Butters to walk in on.

He'd have to ring Kyle later and inform him later.

He nodded finally in response to Butters' question and shook his head. "Must have been when we went to get cigarettes…" He lied, clearing his throat a little as he went back to scrolling through Butters' music. Thankfully Butters seemed to accept his words without any questions and Kenny breathed a sigh of relief as they fell back into comfortable silence.

"_**(This fucking song is all personality)  
(Dude, That's the shit!)"**_

Kenny grinned as he pressed the play button, looking like an excited child. "I freaking love this song!" He laughed, sitting up so abruptly he almost sent the poor boy sailing off the side of the bed. He quickly got to his feet as the music continued. Doing a rather amusing air guitar move.

"_**Well we've all heard about how the guys in the band,**_

_**Weren't the popular kids in school.**_

_**And you hate your parents for the way you turned out,**_

_**But in the end the blames on you!**_

_**And we all sympathise with your torn apart heart,**_

_**And you're really artistic worldly views.**_

_**It sells records when you're sad these days,**_

_**It's super cool to be mad these days…**_

_**I think rock and roll is really funny when it's serious!"**_

Kenny was already bouncing around the floor and singing – and rather well in Butters' opinion – along with the music. It made the smaller male laugh merrily to watch Kenny acting so childish and he shook his head as the taller male tried to pull him up on his feet as he continued.

"_**Don't hate us 'cause we're happy!**_

_**Don't hate us 'cause we're beautiful!**_

_**Don't hate us if we make you smile,**_

_**Or if we go, the extra mile,**_

_**To make someone feel better on a really shitty day,**_

_**and if you're hearing what I'm saying then I want you to say…**_

_**I'm gay! (I'm gay!)**_

_**Say I'm gay! (I'm gay!)"**_

There was something familiar about Kenny's voice that Butters just couldn't put his finger on and he flinched when he was hauled onto his feet and Kenny stood behind him, forcing him to dance with him. Butters laughed as he listened to the other sing, realising that the words really did fit with the way Kenny was in general. He was a happy, beautiful person and he did go out of his way to make people feel better when they were down. Though he was sure the gay part was debatable. From what Butters knew; Kenny wasn't particularly fussy about what gender he was with.

The thought caused an irrational annoyance to surface inside him that he quickly stamped down.

"_**Let's start a movement,**_

_**Let's start it right now.**_

_**And if you don't know where to start,**_

_**I'll show you I'm your new team captain.**_

_**Put your left hand over you're heart and repeat after me…"**_

Butters laughed once more as Kenny moved to stand in front of him, his left hand pressed against the left side of his chest as he pulled Butters own hand to do the same. He was smirking and Butters couldn't help but shake his head in disbelief but did as he was told.

"It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual." Kenny started as Butters simply shook his head, refusing to repeat the words. But Kenny wasn't to be deterred as he stepped closer, wrapping his free arm around Butters' waist and pressing his lips close to the others. "Now, are you going to join in here… don't leave me hanging…"

And as the song continued he repeated the line along with it, "It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual."

Butters shivered at the contact as his eyes locked with Kenny's and he managed to barely whisper out, "It's perfectly fine to be a happy individual…" Before being rewarded by a small peck to the lips. And then Kenny was gone.

"Very nice, very nice."

"_**Don't hate us 'cause we're happy!**_

_**Don't hate us 'cause we're miserable!**_

_**Don't hate us if we make you smile,**_

_**Or if we go, the extra mile,**_

_**To make someone feel better on a really shitty day,**_

_**and if you're hearing what I'm saying then I want you to say…**_

_**I'm gay! (I'm gay!)**_

_**Say I'm gay! (I'm gay!)"**_

For the rest of the song Kenny was back in front of Butter's, joining in with the 'Lalala's' and pulling Butters into an awkward slow-dance as they circled the room; Butters still laughing as he was pulled along. He loved when Kenny had his moments like these. They were always so light hearted and fun and it made Butters feel like there was nothing wrong with the world.

As the song ended and they both fell back on the bed, panting a little against each other's mouth's and with their eyes locked, Butters found himself melting against the other.

He felt so happy these last few weeks and he wished he could just shout to the world how great he felt.

And he was sure now more than ever of how he felt about the amazing blonde next to him. And without his mind's permission, the words he was thinking – but wasn't planning on ever saying because he knew just how much it could shatter the happy bubble they had created – slipped out like the worst kind of word vomit.

"I love you."

* * *

**RubyNote: **Now, Kenny's dancing isn't random, just a ploy to get Butters off the subject of where he was at Kyle's and also setting up for a later chapter ^_^

Song is: I'm Gay - Bowling For Soup.

So now we know why Butters left. And he spoke a little too soon, have two possible ways I want Kenny to react so I may try both and see which I prefer.


	6. Hurt Everyone Around You

**When Life Gives You Vodka…**

…_Hurt Everyone Around You._

"_I love you."_

Three simple words.

Three simple, short words.

But with all the power to send Kenny's entire life crashing around him in seconds; splintering into a thousand shards and scattering to the winds.

He went into immediate lockdown, his eyes glassing over, locking anyone who looked at him out. Butters may as well have been starring at fake, glass eyes on display at a doctors for all it was worth. The taller blonde was on his feet and taking steps away from Butters quicker than Butters could even blink; edging away from him like he was the embodiment of evil itself.

Oh if only he knew.

Kenny could handle the Devil. In fact; over the years, Kenny had come to be on rather friendly terms with the Devil – No, to him right now, those three words were worse than Hell itself.

And Kenny would know.

Right now though every fibre of his being wanted him to run. He felt like a caged animal and it was Ludacris as this was his own home. But no matter what he couldn't get his mouth to work to tell the offending male to leave.

Butters, for his part, had been stunned into silence. Whether by Kenny's reaction or by his own slip up was uncertain. He blinked once and slowly sat up, sliding off the bed and approaching the other.

"K-Ken? I… I'm sorry… I-I didn't…" But he was silenced sharply when the other simply shook his head wildly and covered his ears. He wasn't in the mood to listen. Unfortunately; in comparison, Butters wasn't in the mood to just walk away – even if something was telling him he probably should. "Don't walk a-away from me… I-It was a mistake… Ken… _Please!"_

He was begging, Kenny could see as much in his eyes and by the waver in his voice but it didn't matter. His head was spinning and his eyes lost focus for a couple of seconds before he caught himself, his hand fumbling for the wall behind him so he had something to steady himself.

He needed butters to leave – and not just for now, for good.

He shouldn't have let it get this far. Damn it! There was a reason he didn't get close to people, a reason he kept his distance.

A reason he never should have gone anywhere near someone like Butters.

Because all he did was hurt people, he was a walking time bomb and if you got too close it was bound to cause damage.

He flinched back, pressing himself against the wall and shaking his head as Butters continued to step towards him, holding his hands out like a shield to stop him. "No!" It was the first word he had uttered in those last few minutes and his tongue felt swollen and too big for his mouth.

Butters stopped dead, his arms coming around himself as he took a careful step back, hugging himself tightly. "Ken, I-I… Just talk to me… It's okay… I-I don't… d-don't expect you… I don't e-expect anything f-from you…"

"I'm no good for you. You should leave." He had to cut Butters off now before he did something stupid – like reach out for him or let his defences fall once more. He couldn't afford to let it happen.

No – He couldn't afford for it to happen to _Butters._

He had to protect him from himself; he had a hard enough life as is without an asshole like Kenny involved in it.

He could see tears in Butters' eyes because of his words and he had to look away. He wished he had his jacket on so he could pull his hood up. Close it and close everything out.

But he was trapped, staring at the man before him that didn't seem to want to budge an inch. Butters needed to leave – couldn't he see it was for his own good?!

"W-what do you m-mean? You_…_ you p-protected m-me… Y-you care. I kn-know you d-do!" He pleaded, trying to talk some sense into the older male who was clearly just unable to control his own stunted feelings.

"No! You don't know me! You don't know what I'm capable of!" Came the reply, it was shouted but it held no emotion behind it, Butters' hoped it meant he could talk him out of this, hoped it meant this wasn't the end.

"I-I don't n-need too! I-I know eno-enough…" He started, but he was cut off abruptly by a hollow and terrifying laugh form his companion. And Butters knew that whatever was about to come out of his mouth would shatter him, it would chew him up and spit him out like flat and tasteless gum.

"You know me? Really?" The words were whispered, hollow and without any inflection. "Do you know where I was when you were looking for me before? Do you?" He asked, giving another hollow laugh as he saw Butters' Adam's apple bob as he swallowed heavily, the fear in his eyes.

Good. So he should be scared. Kenny needed to make sure once and for all that Butters knew who he really was. He wasn't some misunderstood Prince. He was scum.

"Sheila lied. I was at Kyle's when you came around. But there was a reason she didn't let you up. She must have heard us…" He smirked then, but it didn't look right, had Butters not been teetering on emotional turmoil he may have seem the sadness and desperation in that one tilt of his lips. "She heard me fucking him. Heard us both writhing in the bed together…" He shuddered, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes. He knew he was going overboard but he needed to make Butters hate him.

It was the only way.

Butters had gone still and it didn't look like he was even breathing right now. Kenny had to look away – or else he was likely to crumble and that would bring no good. He couldn't save Butters if he cracked.

It took a long time, Kenny lay with his back against the wall, his eyes glued blankly to the wall behind his companion; looking at him would be too painful and he just couldn't do it. And then he heard it, the first sob that bubbled from the smaller male's throat and caused a tightening in Kenny's chest.

"W-Why…?"

Kenny knew he had to choose his answer carefully, he couldn't give Butters any hope. He barely hesitated as he answered. "Because the only thing I'm in love with is sex. I don't care who gives it to me."

Those beautiful blue eyes; Kenny hadn't meant to stare directly at them, but as soon as he did he had never felt as much self-loathing as he did in that one, heart stopping moment. He watched as those gorgeous and expressive eyes slowly fogged over with tears – he could see as Butters' entire soul started to break.

And with one last sob he was gone. Running out of the door and out of Kenny's life.

Kenny couldn't breathe as he clutched his chest with his hand, sinking slowly to the floor as his lungs refused to give him air. It was like he was dying again.

He only wished it were so.

* * *

He ran.

He had no sense as to where but he just ran as far as his feet could take him. As far away as he could get.

How could he?

He couldn't see as the wind whipped sharply against his damp cheeks, but he couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel anything except the encompassing numbness that those words had given him.

He had been so stupid – Kenny had warned him from the start; had even told him that he would say anything to get what he wanted and still… still Butters hadn't listened. He had deluded himself into thinking that Kenny wasn't really like that. That he _cared _for him.

How wrong he had been.

He could hear his feet pounding on the pavement as he continued his blind run; guided only by the blurred lights from the streetlamps that highlighted the pathway. He knew he probably looked a mess, his nose was running and his eyes were probably an ugly shade of red.

It was as he came barrelling around the corner where a new, hipster coffee shop had been erected – after Tweek had had a mental breakdown and his parents had moved with him out of state to take him to a rehab facility – that Butters came crashing into someone stood outside the front door; sending them both to the ground.

"Hey! Watch it dude!"

He recognised that voice, and as he sat up, hiccupping an apology he knew exactly where he was and who he was with.

Stan Marsh had been working for the Tweaks before they left town and had subsequently continued working there under the new owners. He favoured working the night shifts because he found the quiet time conducive to slack off or invite friends over as opposed to doing any solid work. Which made sense as there wasn't a lot of business in a small town like South Park in the middle of the night. But still – the sign did advertise twenty-four hours.

Stan flinched as he saw Butters face and immediately started to help him up. "Shit dude… What happened?" He rubbed a gentle hand on the others back before his eyes widened and butters threw himself at him, wrapping his arms around Stan's neck and crying against his shoulder.

Stan was at a loss; Butters had seemed too happy recently when they had talked and he couldn't understand why he was acting like this now. He gently put his arm around his friend and took him inside – his cigarette break would either have to wait, or he'd just smoke inside.

He sat Butters at the table, managing to pry the helpless male from him as he went to get some napkins and an herbal tea for the clearly distressed male. When he returned, Butters had his head on the table as he continued to sniffle and sob into his folded arms.

He gently slid into the seat opposite as he handed Butters the strong coffee. "Here, drink this… It'll help…" He said gently, frowning and completely at a loss for what to do as he watched the other male wipe at his face with the napkins.

It took a long while for Butters' crying to stop but Stan waited patiently, wracking through his mind to think of what could have happened to make Butters this upset.

And with a sharp intake of breath he suddenly remembered the conversation he had had with Kyle.

Of course. He and Kyle had seen this coming a mile off.

Why couldn't Kenny just leave something good alone? Why did he have to be on a constant mission to destroy his own life – and subsequently the lives of those around him?

It just didn't seem fair. It was like Kenny had been born with a self-destruct button that went off as soon as something good came his way.

Like a lifetime retribution for a crime he didn't commit.

Stan really did think his friend was a fucking moron sometimes; but he also knew better than to get involved. If he did he would surely make things worse and would probably end up getting the same treatment as Butters had just been through as Kenny dug in his heels and erected his defences.

He reached down and checked his phone, typing a quick message to his best friend.

'**Just ran into Butters. Will explain properly later. He's a wreck. You may have a visitor.'**

He knew he needn't say anything more. Hell, Kenny was probably already on his way to the redheads home as he typed – It was what usually happened. Of all of them; Kenny had always leant on Kyle the most. Probably because most of the time the trouble came from Cartman and Kyle was the only person with the patience and abilities to deal with the fat turd.

"He… He s-slept with K-Kyle…" Stan jumped at the sound of Butters' voice, dragged out of his thoughts with a snap and he bit his lip. That wasn't a good sign. Stan knew of the mutual agreement between Kenny and Kyle – mainly because he had walked in on them on more than one occasion – and he had also known about them being together recently. But he hadn't counted on Butters finding out about it.

He would be needing that cigarette right about now and to hell with the consequences of smoking inside the shop.

His phone went off as he reached for the packet and he checked it discreetly, watching the words that flashed on the screen. **'Here already. Tomorrow.'**

He knew what it meant. Tomorrow he would have to go see Kyle so they could discuss what they were going to do and compare notes.

"You… You kn-knew…!" The tone was accusatory but soft and Stan flinched, unable to do more than just nod his head.

This was going to be a long night.

* * *

**RubyNote: **I know this chapter is short, but I didn't want to push it further because I have things planned to go into better detail about their thoughts and feelings in the next chapter. And anything more would just become repetitive.

Super big hugs and cookies to serendipityrain711 who has now been deemed my honorary "Butters Personality Decider" for this fic and has been giving me such great advice and help - especially with this chapter - on how to proceed with his reactions.


	7. Cry, And Deny You Care

**When Life Gives You Vodka…**

…_Cry, And Deny You Care._

Kyle had seen Kenny's behaviour many times over the years. He studied it at one point for his college work on psychology – without the blonde's knowledge, mind you – and so he knew the stages of grieving his friend went through.

First would come the drinking and ranting. He would get angry, he would throw things and he would generally just work himself up into a fit over everything.

Then usually came sex.

Then more anger.

Until he hit stage three; then he would bawl his eyes out, crying pitifully until he cried himself to sleep.

And then he would complain of hangover and wallow in his own self-pity for a couple of days before bouncing back.

But the man sat opposite him on the bed right now was not the friend Kyle knew. He sat silent as he drank from his third bottle of cheap vodka – after already wiping Kyle's last bottle of rum out and sending the redhead for more – and he was silent.

Not a single word.

Kyle had tried to casually breach the subject and ask what was wrong but he was met with a blank stare. He was well aware of the fact this was something to do with Butters. Stan had filled him in on that much but other than that he was completely in the dark.

And he didn't like it at all.

He'd even tried to coax the other into something to help relax him and was met with a glare and a growl of "don't fucking touch me". This had been Kyle's first major sign that whatever this was it was fucking huge. If it was enough that Kenny would deny sex; then it was nuclear to him.

Though; Kyle supposed that at least he had _said something_. Which was more than he was doing now. And if he was being honest; Kyle was scared to see him like this. Kenny only had two kinds of behaviour – cool and collected, like nothing could phase him, and extremely emotional.

He hadn't shut down like this since he had left home, nursing himself from the beating his father had given him as a leaving present.

Kyle had hoped they'd moved past this. The last time Kenny had even tried threatening his life and he and Stan had had to intervene. Hell, _Cartman _had even been worried – though; Kyle surmised, that probably had more to do with Cartman being the reason he had had to leave his home in the first place. But that wasn't important anymore, they didn't come into contact after that so everything had settled down.

No, this right now was just as bad. If Kenny was shutting down like this then it was bad. And Kyle wasn't even sure how this would play out.

He was now more than ever, glad that he had chosen to transfer to a college closer to home. In fact, he transferred to one that technically was only just out of South Park and it meant it was only an hour walk away.

Or five minutes when you threaten someone that you'll kill them if they don't give you a ride.

That was another thing they would need to have a chat about.

If he could ever get Kenny to open his mouth that was.

* * *

Stan was having the opposite problem.

Butters was not shutting up, and he was mad.

He had never in his life seen the other male so worked up over something and he had to actually pin the blonde down to stop him throwing whatever came to hand at his head.

The napkin holder had come too close for comfort.

"You-you! You ass! You knew! Why does nobody ever tell me?! You're all the darn same!"

This had been the monologue of the past hour as Butters screamed, shouted and threw things at him. How the hell this had become his fault he didn't know. Yes he had known that Kenny and Kyle occasionally shared an evening for both of them to relieve frustration but fuck – it wasn't him going around putting his dick in people, why should he get beaten up over it?

Of course he had more sense than to voice that. He liked his testicles attached to his body thank-you-very-much.

Finally Butters started to deflate beneath him and he sighed heavily, sniffling and turning his face away from the brunette above him.

"Go ahead, laugh at me… its wh-what everyone d-does…" He sniffled as Stan carefully got off him, letting the blonde sit up. He felt his chest ache at Butters' words and how he pulled his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly.

"Dude, I'm not going to laugh. I don't think it's funny at all to see you upset, and you should know me better than that." He flinched as Butters gave him a look and sighed. "Dude! Let it go, I was eight and I was a dick. We all were to you but Ke- uh… We stopped, okay?" He really didn't think letting slip what Kenny had told them that made them stop – or perhaps even mentioning his name – was a good idea in that moment.

Thankfully, Butters didn't seem to notice the slip of the tongue as he reached to take a sip of his tea. He seemed to be thinking deeply on something for a moment so Stan excused himself to go and collect the ashtray from outside so he could smoke.

He blinked and stared as Butters asked for one himself and he sighed, shaking his head before tossing him the packet.

He should have known; prolonged time around Kenny would mean Butters picked up his habits. Next the small blonde would be asking for alcohol.

But he was surprised when Butters took a drag and pulled a face. That was not the reaction of someone who was smoking.

"Gross… now I know why h-he wouldn't…" And then Butters seemed to realise what he was saying and the tears started all over.

And Stan was mildly surprised to hear that Kenny had been stopping Butters from smoking. Normally he had been the first to pressure someone into trying it – fuck, he was the reason he himself and Kyle smoked.

Stan was at a loss, he had generally got the gist of what was happening whilst Butters had been screaming at him.

Saying he loved Kenny had been a big mistake admittedly. But still, for Kenny himself to lash out in that way – Stan knew this was going to be hell.

It was whilst he was left in his musings that he didn't notice the other moving slowly towards him. He also didn't notice when Butters lifted himself close to his face.

He did notice, however, when Butters' lips met his and he jumped back quickly.

"Dude, what the hell?! I don't play that way!" He blurted out in shock, staring at a now mortified Butters before groaning and running a hand through his hair. So that was the new game. He shook his head as he finished his cigarette and hugged the blonde. "It's not the right way to go. Even if I was that way inclined, sleeping with me would not make things better." And then when Butters opened his mouth to comment he continued, "And nor will it make things even. Damn, how much time did you spend with the douche? You're thinking like him…" He said, not expecting to be slapped in the face for that comment.

Butters flinched, instantly rushing to apologise. He hadn't meant to hit him, but he still got upset an a little angered that people always thought the worst of Kenny. He wasn't that bad…

But then; maybe they were all right all along. After all, with what had happened, perhaps it was Butters who had it all wrong.

* * *

"I'm sorry. I think I misheard you. What do you want to do?"

Kenny couldn't have just said what Kyle thought he did. That was a stupid idea, and it would solve nothing. But Kyle had a suspicion that Kenny's new tactic was to just pretend nothing had happened at all. This was even less healthy than his smoking and drinking habits.

"I said;" The words were followed by an eye roll – as if Kyle himself was stupid and not the completely lunatic blonde that was talking – "Does this campus have a bar where we can go pick up chicks?"

Kyle groaned as he ran a hand through his hair slowly, he could feel a headache coming on. "No. Nearest is actually your place." He answered, knowing Kenny would know that he meant 'The Ruby Palace'. It was a lie of course. There was actually a bar on campus, in fact there was a welcoming party going on as they spoke but Kenny needn't know that right now.

Kenny pulled a face at that and sighed heavily. "Well this college thing sucks. Glad I'm too stupid to go now."

Okay, this was getting stupid. He couldn't just pretend like none of this happened for Christ's sake! "Would you _please _just tell me what happened."

"Nothing happened."

"Then why are you upset?" He asked, almost facepalming when he got a blank look as if Kenny had no idea what he was talking about.

"I'm not upset."

This was getting him nowhere at all. He sure as hell hoped Stan at least knew what was going on. Because he was at a complete loss. "So why are you so quiet and drinking so heavily?"

"Because that's what I thought college was about. Drinking and hanging out."

They both knew that was a lie. Kenny had once considered going to college and he would have made it in had he not wanted to stay close to his sister. He and Stan had seen the acceptance letter, he would have gotten in on a scholarship to study psychology alongside the redhead. Despite everything, Kenny usually had a real knack for analysing people.

Unfortunately that didn't extend to analysing himself.

Kyle rubbed his temples slowly as he ground his teeth together. This was more frustrating than he knew and he was starting to wish Kenny had taken him up on his offer for his own sake.

"Your mum knows we were having sex the other night by the way."

The words sliced through him like an icicle, chilling him to his core. "What did you just say?!" He couldn't have been hearing him right, it had to be some kind of joke. His mother would have said something – she would have been angry or upset or…

"Butters came looking for me at yours, apparently your mum said I was there, disappeared upstairs for a while then came back down claiming I must have left."

Kyle shook his head with a sigh, "Perhaps it was after you had gone?" but somehow Kyle knew Kenny wouldn't make that mistake.

"Nope, he would have passed me on the way. I was on foot, he had a car. Do the math, genius."

Oh he already had. If his mum hadn't heard them, then she would have come to tell them Butters was there. It all made sense.

"Oh, fuck…"

Kenny shrugged a little and hummed. "It's not so bad, dude. She clearly doesn't mind or she'd have either stopped us or brought it up. She is probably just waiting for you to come out and tell her."

And there it was again, he could analyse and work out that problem and yet here he was drinking and acting like everything was okay with his life.

And then something clicked. "Is that why you're upset? Because my mum found out?" And then his eyes widened suddenly and he flinched. "Did she tell–?"

Kenny shook his head, but Kyle had hit close to home if the way he suddenly necked the last half of the bottle was anything to go by.

"No, I did." It was the only answer he gave but Kyle felt sick just hearing it. So that was the argument then? Kenny let slip about their… ahem, _arrangement_ and… What? That didn't seem enough to put Kenny in this frame of mind. Kyle was sure if Kenny had explained it to Butters, how he had been upset and they had just been working out some frustrations then surely it could all be–

"Because he told me that he loved me."

Kyle's mouth went dry. That would be the worst thing ever to Kenny. He knew that Kenny didn't see himself as someone who was worthy of things like that – god only knew why – and so it must have terrified him to his core and–

And now everything was clicking into place.

Kenny's upset.

Telling Butters about them.

"Holy shit dude…"

* * *

It was as his shift ended at six that Stan had accompanied Butters back to Kenny's to get his car and drive him home. The poor blonde had been exhausted but had promised to come and see Stan before he went to work the following night.

He had still been crying, but at least he was calmer now and the crying was quiet and no longer heart wrenching sobs.

He took his phone out of his pocket as he headed home himself, feeling more exhausted than he had in a long time. He dialled Kyle's number and was thankful when his best friend answered on only the second ring.

"Hey."

"Hey." He responded, but without the usual smile. They weren't just casually chatting after all. "How has he been?"

There was a sigh on the other hand. "Not good, dude. He just left after yelling at me for not telling him there was a party going on. He's gone to pick up chicks apparently."

Stan shook his head with a groan, running a hand through his hair. He was getting too old for this shit. "So he's just… moving on then?"

He could hear the snort that came from the other line and thought he had been right until Kyle spoke again. "I kinda wish. No; he's shut down completely. He has that dead look in his eyes again and he wouldn't talk to me at first. I even tried suggesting some stress relief but he growled at me."

"Kinda not surprising considering. Did he tell you what happened?"

There was a shuffling on the other end, Stan guessed it was Kyle setting up the spare bed in his room. Normally they would be shared but apparently Kyle had gotten lucky.

"Kind of, most of it I had to piece together. He's now trying to pretend like nothing happened and that nothing is bothering him. I don't think he's even considered the fact they work together."

Stan groaned heavily, he himself had forgotten that little detail. "Fuck!" He ran a hand through his hair as he crossed the road, coming to the end of his street. "So… What are we supposed to do?"

"I… I just don't know, dude."

Never in a million years did he expect to hear these words from Kyle. Fuck, Kyle always had an idea of how to try and fix these things. It wasn't looking good if he didn't even know. But if he thought these words shocked him – he had no idea the true meaning of the word. Because he heard Kyle take another slow breath and the words stopped Stan dead in his tracks.

"I think we should ask Cartman for help."

* * *

**RubyNote: **Okay, so this chapter is kinda back and forth. This is to try and show how differently they are both handling this... situation.

I'm a little unsure about this chapter - probably because I'm used to injecting humour and with a chapter like this there isn't much opportunity for it.

Now; on another note. I may not be able to update for a few days as I have to take on a little more at work and tomorrow I have a 10:30am - 10pm shift which will probably wipe me out so... Sorry in advance!


	8. Dressing Up Is Always Fun

**When Life Gives You Vodka…**

…_Dressing Up Is Always Fun_

Kyle had officially lost his mind.

This is all Stan could think as he made the walk to Cartman's on his one day off this week. He had to make this quick. He had promised Butters that he would meet him and keep him company at work. He had a feeling it was more to do with not wanting to be near Kenny, but he decided against letting that thought out.

He sighed as he knocked on the door, waiting calmly for an answer. He knew Cartman would be home alone, his mother having taken on two jobs to support them – because god forbid her son actually _earn _his own living.

Well besides blackmail schemes and the like.

Another thing Stan wasn't going into right now.

It didn't take long before the door was opened and a filled out face was seen through the crack. Cartman seemed to check for a moment, analysing whether or not Stan was there for good or bad before opening the door slowly.

"What do you want? I swear if poor boy sent you to beg for forgiveness then he can go suck my dick. I'm sure he'd be pretty good – if not dangerously diseased." He said with distaste, making the smaller brunette flinch.

So, this was off to a good start.

"Kyle sent me." That usually was a good way to get Cartman's attention. It seemed the two had a mutual respect for each other and were somewhat closer than they would like everyone to believe.

Well, okay, maybe on Cartman's behalf. Kyle had no interest in a lot of things besides sex and schooling so Cartman spent a fair amount of time dangling on Kyle's string.

But that's exactly what Kyle was hoping for when he suggested this; Stan just hoped that it would work when _Kenny_ was involved.

He was lead into the house and towards the kitchen where the remains of what could only be described as a feast, littered the kitchen sides – no doubt waiting for Liane to come home and clean up – and they took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Now Stan, I'm ready to listen. Surely there is a _good _reason Kyle sent you here?" Chubby fingers steepled together as an equally full chin rested on his hands. "You have ten minutes."

Stan groaned, Cartman had it in his head that he was some big scale businessman. And they said he would grow out of his delusions – Stan had yet to see it.

"It's about Kenny and Butters..." Stan started awkwardly, flinching when Cartman's face suddenly darkened.

"You have _five _minutes." He all but growled out.

Stan swallowed, this wasn't good at all. "Look, I know you don't get along and everything Cartman. But things aren't good. I'm sure you've heard by now that they've had a… uh… falling out."

Cartman laughed at that, and Stan could see the glee in his eyes. He decided to press on before Cartman had a chance to comment. "But Kenny took it bad, Kyle's afraid he'll go back to… to…" He gave Cartman a pointed look and the other flinched, all humour gone.

"Okay, I'm listening."

Stan breathed a sigh of relief at that. Even Cartman didn't want to see Kenny go back to that place. Maybe Kyle's plan would work.

Or he hoped.

* * *

Butters shivered as he stepped out of the house. Stan should be here to meet him soon and god he hoped he still showed up – he really didn't think he could face going to that place alone.

And he usually loved his job, but he had exhausted all of his excuses and Ruby wanted him in tonight.

Though he did have one good thing to look forward too. Kai had called him earlier to inform him that the dancer that was supposed to be on the big show tonight had broken his ankle and Butters himself got to fill his space.

Every Friday, 'The Ruby Palace' had a special performance and all of the dancers always clamoured to be involved. The headlining act was a mystery down to his name.

_Mysterion._

The name always brought a familiarity to Butters that he just couldn't place but it didn't matter. The guy's voice was like heaven and if what the others said was true – he was one hell of a dance partner too.

It made the small blonde shiver just to think about it.

He was brought out of his musings as there was a snap in his face, he blinked looking into an amused set of almond eyes.

"Dude, you were out of it… and what's with the grin? Did you get laid and not tell me?" Stan had apparently crept up on him without his knowledge, making Butters blush at how he had gotten lost in his own daydream.

He shook his head, playing with his hands for a moment. "N-no… I… I was just thinking about something… I-it's not important…" He mumbled as he started walking, leading the taller male back to his car as they headed for the club.

It was packed already, but that wasn't a surprise as Butters left Stan at the bar, seeing Kenny was already there and working, flirting with some unsuspecting girls. It made Butters want to puke.

It made him want to laugh at how pathetic they were.

…It made him want to cry.

He shook his thoughts away, getting changed and heading out to start his usual routine. He'd be in the cages until the big performance, which meant he was as far away from the blonde menace as he could get.

Good.

* * *

Kenny frowned as he was called into the back office, flinching as he saw Kai stood by the side of the large leather chair. The piece of furniture was facing the back wall – Ruby did always have a thing for dramatics.

When the chair turned and the flamboyant redhead caught sight of Kenny she smirked, a movement that never bode well for anyone.

"There has been a change to tonight's schedule…" She started in a soft purr, making Kenny flinch. He had been roped into performing back when he started. It was Kai's fault. He had seen the blonde dancing and singing whilst he swept the floor and had instantly relayed his findings to his partner in crime.

And the rest, as they say, was history.

He had ended up performing but on only one condition; that no one knew it was him.

And of course, when Kai had done some digging and found out about his childhood alter-ego, they had a name and costume within the hour.

It was scary how quick they could be.

"Nico has had a little accident and so Butters will be filling in for him." Oh, Kenny really didn't like that knowing look both siblings gave him in that moment. He would never know how they got their information – but they always knew everything. And what was worse, they knew too much for Kenny to even attempt to go against them.

But he knew someone who could; someone who had gotten him out of shit with them on more than one occasion…

For now he just nodded, quickly excusing himself and leaving the office. He didn't stop once, weaving through the people until he got to the DJ booth, climbing the stairs two at a time until he reached his goal.

And promptly found his hand clasped in that of the woman stood behind the booth, his palm suddenly squished against a large breast.

"Do they seem bigger to you? I think they're bigger…"

Kenny rolled his eyes with a groan, he so did not have time for this. Maddie always seemed to find a way to get a conversation onto her breasts and usually, usually Kenny thought it was great – what man didn't like the excuse to get some boob action?

But not tonight.

He pulled his hand away and shook his head. "I don't have time for this! No, they are the same as before… Just… I need a favour." He blurted, his face falling when he saw a tell-tale smirk slip into her face.

Oh _hell no!_

Was the whole fucking world conspiring against him.

"You can't be serious! You too?!"

She shrugged and looked him over for a moment. "I thought it could be fun. Plus; Ruby has her heart set on this… she seems to think you guys would make an _explosive _dance partnership." She said casually as she turned back to the booth, pressing a couple of buttons. "So sorry sugar, but this time I'm kinda in agreement with the boss-lady. I kinda want to see how this pans out."

Kenny let out a frustrated growl, his hand dragging through his unruly hair as he turned on his heel, pausing only long enough to throw a "Well your tits aren't even that great!" over his shoulder in spite, narrowing his eyes when she just blew him a kiss.

* * *

Stan yawned as he sat at a table, probably looking like a total loser all on his own – the things he did for friends. He was starting to regret his promise, going as far as to consider just ditching out while Butters was busy dancing.

Until an announcement from the DJ booth grabbed his attention.

"Are you all ready?! It's that special night and you all know what that means!" Stan frowned as he glanced up, noticing people starting to move onto the darkened stage. He could see Butters' shock of blonde there, there was a curvy brunette standing the opposite side of the stage to him and two figures with their backs to him at the back of the stage.

"Let's all have a big round of applause for the one you came here to see! Tonight featuring the voice of South Park's very own Bebe Steven's, the one filling your wildest dreams at night… Mysterion!"

Stan choked on his drink.

Holy fucking fuck!

Many may have forgotten that name over the years, but he certainly hadn't. There was no way?

He sat forward in his chair, shaking his head. Clearly Butters hadn't remembered the name, there's no way he would be up on that stage if he knew.

This could get very interesting.

The spotlight hit the stage as the music began, a soft whistling echoing throughout the room as Mysterion turned, his hips moving subtly in extremely tight looking leather pants. Stan flinched just thinking about how much pressure that had to put on a guy's junk – he did not envy him one iota right now.

His chest was bare; a cape, complete with hood was draped over his shoulders and Stan could just about make out the intricate black and silver mask that covered half of his face, clinging tightly to every curve and indent of his face.

He would admit – the mask covered well, but would it be enough to keep Butters fooled?

He stepped forward slowly as his first lines started, his movements so cock-sure of himself as he reached out his hands to his sides, Butters and the unknown female taking one each as they were spun into his body.

"**Just shoot for the stars,**

**If it feels right.**

**And aim for my heart, **

**If you feel like.**

**And take me away, and make it okay,**

**I swear I'll behave…"**

Butters shivered as he was pulled towards the hard body next to him, the guy was apparently pretty rough and sure when he moved – but Butters couldn't say he found it anything but likable. He was spun back out to the side as Mysterion continued, leaving him to dance for the crowd until he was next needed.

"**You wanted control,**

**So we waited.**

**I put on a show,**

**Now I'm naked.**

**You say I'm a kid,**

**My ego is big,**

**I don't give a shit…"**

The cape came off into the crowd with the music as Mysterion sung into the air. Even from where he was sat, Stan could tell he enjoyed this, enjoyed performing – who would have thought it? He chuckled to himself a little as he watched with rapt attention.

Mysterion held out his hand as the female on stage moved easily into his arms. There was a small amount of distance between them, but it was normal. They needed room to move around and dance. After all – all of these shows were never rehearsed.

"**Take me by the tongue and I'll know you,**

**Kiss me 'till you're drunk and I'll show you,**

**All the moves like Jagger,**

**I've got the moves like Jagger,**

**I've got the moves like Jagger."**

The girl was pushed away at the last line, being caught easily by a waiting Bebe as they began to move together. It was well known that 'The Ruby Palace' catered mostly to the gay scene and so it was no surprise to see the dancers pairing off in this way.

Mysterion came up behind Butters then, gripping his wrist and pulling him against him. They were a lot closer than whatever Mysterion and the brunette girl were as the crowd shrieked in response.

Mysterion continued to sing as he tilted Butter's face up so their eyes locked, his breath hitching through the microphone in his mask as their bodies moved sensually together to the music.

"**I don't need to try to control you,**

**Look into my eyes and I'll own you."**

Butters gasped softly as he was pulled to the other male, their eyes locking with a familiarity that Butters really wished he could recognise. Their bodies seemed to fit so well together and something in Butters head was screaming at him that he should run – this man was somehow dangerous.

But he couldn't if he wanted too.

This man had him hypnotised.

"**Maybe it's hard,**

**When you feel like,**

**You're broken and scarred,**

**Nothing feels right.**

**But when you're with me,**

**I'll make you believe,**

**That I've got the key…"**

A hand reached up, the back of his fingers running along Butters cheek as the smaller male found his eyes closing slowly, another shiver running up his spine. He almost felt his knees buckle when he felt a sure tongue move along his neck, teeth nipping at his ear.

And the earthy scent that the other male carried…

Butter's eyes flew open in shock and he stumbled back as he was suddenly let go and he blinked, quickly regaining himself and continuing with their show.

There was no way… But… that smell… he would never forget that scent…

The chorus started again and Mysterion moved to dance with the brunette girl again as Bebe came to his side. She gave him a pointed look, clearly asking if everything was okay. He could do little more than nod as his arms went around her and they moved together. Though his eyes were not on his current dance partner.

He was released as Bebe approached Mysterion, her hand running silkily along his shoulders as a welcoming smirk slipped onto his lips. Butters found himself pulled into dancing with the brunette girl but he was just waiting. He would get him back and check for certain – he needed to know if he was right or if he was just going crazy with longing.

"**You wanna know, **

**How to make me smile.**

**Take control, **

**Own me just for the night…"**

Butters felt an unwelcome pang of jealousy run through him as he watched Mysterion's hands run along Bebe's stomach, his hips pressing against her butt as they ground together to the music, his hand gripping into her thick blonde hair.

He didn't realise he was pouting, only when he got a warning nudge from the other girl did he manage to get his focus back.

"**And if I share my secret,**

**You're gonna have to keep it.**

**Nobody else can see this…**

**So watch and learn,**

**I won't tell you twice.**

**Head to toe, oh baby,**

**Rub me right…**

**And if I share my secret,**

**You're gonna have to keep it.**

**Nobody else can see this…"**

Butters had to look away, he couldn't watch the way his hands caressed her body in that familiar way. And as Mysterion began to sing again, another incident came to Butters' head – dancing in Kenny's small apartment. He had _known _his voice was familiar darn it!

He didn't see as Mysterion approached, pulling the brunette away from him and tossing her rather roughly into Bebe's waiting arms. Butters' breath hitched once more as he was pulled into the man's arms once again, seeing the shock of fear in them when Butters stared at him knowingly.

He was all but certain now as the music continued.

"**Take me by the tongue and I'll know you,**

**(Take me by the tongue)**

**Kiss me 'till you're drunk and I'll show you,**

**All the moves like Jagger,**

**I've got the moves like Jagger,**

**I've got the moves like Jagger.**

**I don't need to try to control you,**

**Look into my eyes and I'll own you…"**

They were so close, the smaller blonde's hips moving sensually against his taller dance partner. Neither of them breaking eye contact as the words slithered their way into Butters' mind; it was uncanny how accurate they seemed in that moment and Butters swallowed hard, losing himself in the sway of the man's hips, the way his hands groped for his ass roughly.

As the music came to a close, the crowd erupted with screams and applause and suddenly Butters found himself crushed underneath a hungry kiss; his body pressed tightly against the warm, unclothed skin of the taller male.

His breath caught in his throat as a lightheaded feeling overtook him. He had been right from the first moment, there was no way it could be anyone else. No one kissed him like that… no one had that dark taste of cigarettes and vodka.

When they broke apart, Butters was fighting for air; his face dazed and confused.

Kenny stilled completely, not knowing what the hell he was doing pulling a stupid move like that. He hadn't meant to kiss the other, but his body had moved on its own – needing to feel the other beneath him once more, aching for his touch.

He hoped Butters was still as naïve as he had always been. He hoped he wouldn't pick up on the clues… even if by the look on his face earlier Kenny was completely out of luck.

And all hope went out the window as Butters opened his mouth.

"K-Kenny..?"

* * *

**RubyNote: **Okay, so this piece with the song is actually what inspired the entire fic - even though it isn't really the main point of the plot, but hey, can't write a sexy fic with Kenny and not have him as Mysterion... would be a sin ;)

Song is obviously Moves Like Jagger - Maroon 5 Feat. Christina.

I did cut the lyrics down a little - but only because I mostly wanted of focus on certain parts.

The next chapter will start to reveal Cartman's help in this whole escapade and also, the kinda one-sided Kyman reference is a little bonus add in for serendipityrain711 because I know she loves the pairing and is still giving great ongoing support ^_^.

And thank you everyone for you'r reviews, subs and favourites, each and mean a lot to me to show you are behind me in this story 3


	9. Run, Hide And Have Sex In A Closet

**When Life Gives You Vodka…**

…_Run, Hide And Have Sex In A Closet_

Butters lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling whilst his phone rested in his hand. Kenny's contact details lit up the screen but Butters still didn't dare tap the number.

He was so confused. He was sure he was right about Mysterion being Kenny but he hadn't had the chance to look into it. When the name had rolled off his tongue, Mysterion had fled and although Kenny was still working bar – he was darn good at avoiding people.

By the time Butters had finished his shift; Kenny had been long gone. He didn't even wait to chat up the girls like he usually did.

It just seemed to raise Butters' suspicions more. Why else would Kenny be avoiding him? Well, other than the other thing…

Oh this hurt his head, he wanted – no, he _needed_ – to know. Because if he was right and Mysterion was Kenny then why had he kissed him like that? Butters may have been naïve but he was sure that no man kissed like that for someone they didn't really want – even if it was purely on a sexual level.

But then; if that were true then Kenny would have slept with him before… He had always stopped things before they got too far – heck, Butters was surprised he hadn't ended up with blue-balls.

He blushed at his own thoughts, hiding his face behind his hands. Stan was right; he had spent too much time around the foul minded blonde. His own thoughts were beginning to become impure.

He sighed and shook his head, lifting his phone back up as his finger hovered over the call button. But; even if he did press it – and by some miracle, Kenny answered – what would he say? "Hi, so I think you're this sexy ass dude who kissed my brains out last night. Can we talk about it?" That sounded pathetic even to him.

So what did he do now? He couldn't call Stan, he had gone home to probably sleep – not that he had seemed too bothered when Butters had mentioned his suspicions anyway… Then again, it made sense after how upset he had been, Stan probably just didn't want him to get his hopes up or read too much into it.

But darn; he was doing that anyway.

He had known from the start that starting anything at all with Kenny McCormick would be volatile at the very least. But he hadn't imagined anything like this.

* * *

Kenny grumbled to himself as he restlessly paced his apartment; what was he supposed to do about this fuck up?

Butters couldn't know the truth, if he did he would just get his hopes up. And if that happened, Kenny wasn't sure he could get rid of him a second time. The first was shitty enough.

If he was smarter he could – fuck, if he was smarter he wouldn't be in this motherfucking mess in the first fucking place!

He drank more from the bottle that was clasped in his hand – he was slowing down, barely a quarter of the bottle was gone and he'd been nursing it for the last three hours.

Fuck – this was bad.

He wasn't supposed to get affected by people, no matter who they were or how amazing it had felt to have him pressed up against him like that once more.

He shivered at the memory and felt a stirring in his pants that for once in his life served to do nothing more than just piss him off more.

There must be something seriously wrong with him – he'd known it for a while but now more than ever, he had serious problems.

And they all revolved around a naïve, sweet, sexy blonde who really didn't understand his worth in this world.

And it was much more than what Kenny was worth; this was why he had to get his shit together and keep to the game plan. Anymore fuck up's and he was just going to ruin everything and for once he wanted to do something right.

He couldn't just keep running, for one he had nowhere to run. For another; he was no coward.

But he was.

That's what all this was about. The voice in the back of his head always had a way of making him feel worse. But it was usually – and much to Kenny's annoyance – right.

Kenny never considered himself someone who let fear cloud his life. He died and came back on a fairly regular basis after all.

But right now he was terrified.

Terrified of feelings he had long since thought he was incapable of.

He needed a break from this place for a while, he needed some advice from someone who knew more about this stuff than he did.

His eyes lit up as he turned towards the kitchenette. He knew just the person – he just hoped he could stay there long enough to get the answers he was looking for.

Or else this was going to be a long ass night. Or week. Or… whatever.

The blade was cool as he pulled it out of the drawer under the sink, the metal shining against the harsh lights of his kitchen. He sighed a little, shaking his head at how little this act bothered him anymore. It's not like it was the first time he had used this option to get away for a while.

And it's not like anyone knew about it anyway – even if they did find him, their memories were always erased when he got back. It was just like he had disappeared for a little while. No big deal.

He flinched as the knife bit into the soft flesh of his neck, hearing the gurgling of air from his windpipe hit his blood, the catch as breathing became hard. He lifted his free hand, steadying himself before he collapsed. He closed his eyes and pulled the knife hard, the metal making a sound against the floor as he felt himself falling…

* * *

Butters screamed as he shot up in his bed, his chest tight and body covered in a cold sheen of sweat. He must have fallen asleep.

Fallen asleep to a nightmare.

His blood ran cold as he felt his heart trying to burst through his ribcage. He felt sick and barely had time to get to the bathroom before the entire contents of his dinner was deposited down the porcelain bowl.

He shivered and closed his eyes, feeling the wetness in them.

He was crying.

But the dream felt so real, he saw Kenny in his kitchen, watching the light play on a large kitchen knife. He looked calm – thoughtful even as he lifted it to his neck…

And…

Butters lurched forward as another wave of nausea hit him, his shaking fingers whitened from the vice like grip he had on the cold surface.

It was just a dream. It couldn't be anything else – just a really vivid, terrible, bad dream.

He flinched when his father banged a hand on the door, telling him to keep it down as he slowly climbed to his feet, catching his reflection in the small mirror above the sink as he splashed some cold water on his face.

He just couldn't shake the feeling that the dream was real.

He bit his lip as he went back to his room, grabbing his phone off the bed and looking down at the number still displayed.

This time he didn't hesitate as he dialled the number, listening to it ring…

And ring…

And ring…

* * *

The screams and general noises of distress didn't bother him nearly as much as they had when he was a kid and Kenny just shrugged as he walked the familiar dirt path, easily avoiding the shocks of fire and lava as they cascaded against the edge.

This was one maze Kenny had become a pro at. It was easy and familiar.

He saw the little house up ahead and started jogging towards it – he really hoped Satan wasn't busy. And fuck, even if he was he owed Kenny for all his help in the past so he could shut up and pay him back!

He didn't bother to knock as he entered the small home, glancing up to see Damien splayed out on the couch. He had a magazine in his hand whilst the other was… Kenny groaned a little and shook his head.

Trust him to walk in on something like this.

Damien smirked as he looked up at his guest, sitting up slowly with a coy smile. "Well, well… haven't been around much recently have you McCormick… And looks like you're just in time to join the fun…" The smirk was sexy as hell – and fuck, Kenny knew just how good that mouth was, there was a reason this place was sinful. But he didn't have the time for this shit right now.

"Sorry dude, not a social call. Your dad around?"

Damien seemed to pout as he lay back to get back to his… activities, shrugging his shoulder and sighing in a pleasurable way that had Kenny's nerves on edge. "He's out back, enjoying nature and being single – for now at least anyway. It makes me sick."

Kenny didn't dawdle as he thanked the male and headed to the back of the house and into the 'garden'. Not that anything actually grew down here but – whatever.

He saw whom he was looking for easily – well, how hard was it to see a hulking great beast of red? – And jogged up toward him, skipping formalities as he shouted. "I need to talk! You owe me and I need advice."

Satan turned, a scowl on his face at being spoken to in such a way before his eyes softened and he shook his head. "Damn kid, you're lucky I don't rip you apart for talking to me in such a way…" He pouted when Kenny rolled his eyes and sighed, leading the blonde to a small stone bench off to their left.

"Okay, okay… so, what is it? You never normally seek me out like this." He said, the concern was evident. It was odd but over the years he had come to view Kenny as another son – albeit one who occasionally came down here just to fuck his other son – but a son all the same.

Kenny sighed as he looked at the floor, his shoulders slumped as he tried to think of where to start and how to explain just what was bothering him right now.

* * *

Butters was close to sobbing as he tried relentlessly to call the blondes phone – but he wasn't answering.

He had sent numerous texts but they hadn't gained an answer either so he tried someone else.

Stan had been a no answer.

But with a couple of rings, Kyle's voice came floating down the phone as Butters let out a relieved sob.

"K-Kyle! I think something happened to Kenny! He-he won't answer his phone and I'm scared but he won't talk to me and I don't know if he's ignoring me or… or…" The rest was drowned out by another sob as he heard something drop on the other side.

"Dude, calm down… What happened to Kenny? I can't help if you don't calmly explain… just breathe dude…"

Kyle's voice seemed calm and collected and Butters wished he could take comfort in that but he was just so gosh darn worried that he didn't know what to do.

So he took a few deep breaths and took a moment to try and copulate what he wanted to say. "I had a dream… I-I… It f-felt so… so real…" He whispered, his hand gripping the phone like a lifeline.

"Okay… good." the voice of the redhead was still calm and collected, it was almost like a doctor. "Now, what happened?"

"H-He… K-Kenny… H-He k-killed himself…" His words came out on a sob as he closed his eyes, tears trickling down his face.

There was a long pause, followed by a slow sigh. "Butters, listen to me…" He sounded like he was talking to a child and for a moment Butters was overcome with how much Kyle would make a good father. "Me and Stan used to have dreams like that all the time. Each time they seemed so real, like we were stood watching him. But that's all they are; dreams. Every time we panicked and Kenny would just show up one day like nothing happened." He explained calmly.

Butters let out a slow sigh and sniffled slightly into the receiver. "B…But he… h-he won't answer his phone…"

"He does that. He goes out partying or, picks up some stranger… or they pick him up and he goes AWOL for a bit. Butters; think clearly, you know all of this, Kenny has been doing it for years and especially when a situation he's not fond of crops up."

Butters supposed Kyle had a point. With all of the stress between them it shouldn't surprise him that Kenny had gone off.

"S-so… wh-what do I d-do?" He asked, pulling his legs up to his chest and swallowing with worry.

"Just give him a few days. If he still doesn't turn up, let me know and I'll be straight back to help you find out what happened, okay?"

Butters nodded his head slowly – and then once realising Kyle couldn't see him he let out a croaky "Y-yeah…"

Kyle had been one of Kenny's best friends, if anyone would know it would be him. They shared so much…

Butters flinched as he remembered why he and Kenny weren't talking in the first place and he chewed his lip. "Kyle?"

"Yeah?"

"I-is it true…? A-about you and-"

Kyle cut him off before he could continue, groaning down the phone in frustration. "I'm going to stop you there. Look, he shouldn't have told you that and it's not how it seems. Okay, yes, we fucked. We've been doing it for a while now but there's nothing in it. Sometimes you want to relieve the frustration and it's good to have someone who is in the same boat, yano?"

No, Butters couldn't say he personally understood what that was like but it did make a lot of sense in a strange way – and it did sound like something Kenny would be up for. "So – it's not…"

Kyle sighed once more and Butters felt bad for causing him such stress. "No, Butters. Me and Kenny are nothing but friends. Will never be anything more than that. We just have a mutual arrangement that suits us."

Butters decided he would just accept that for now and said his goodbyes, ending the call.

But he didn't think he would be sleeping again tonight.

* * *

Satan frowned as Kenny finished his story, shaking his head and ruffling the blonde's hair. "You're going to hate what I have to say… but I think you really care for this kid. I'd even go as far to say you may just be in love with him." He pulled his hand back when Kenny gave him a look like he was about to rip him to pieces. "Hey now, you wanted my advice and I'm giving it."

"I don't do love." Was the simple reply as Kenny went back to staring at his eyes.

Satan chuckled at that, shaking his head. "Oh, you say that as if you have a choice in this life. You can't Kenny, you should know that from the things you have helped me with over the years… Life can't always be sex with no strings attached. One day you're going to end up running into your own puppet master – and then you're truly fucked."

Kenny grumbled something then, but the other didn't quite catch it and so he continued. "It's not a bad thing, they could even turn out to be your salvation in the end. We both know that the life you lead doesn't make you truly happy – you put up a good show, but when the curtain comes down you're just as lonely and vulnerable as the rest of the world."

"I don't want it! Fuck! All I'm good for is fucking up shit and ending up here! If life had any fucking justice it would just let me rot instead of dragging me back!"

The overlord sighed as he stood slowly, turning back to his adoptive son just as Kenny began to fade a little. "You're losing time here… But you need to learn that before you can be someone worthy of love – you need to be able to love yourself." He gave a soft smile and shook his head. "A very smart young boy once taught me that… You can't keep living in smoke and mirrors…"

Kenny blinked as he listened to the words, feeling himself being pulled back as his vision went dark once more.

Smoke and mirrors?

He may just have a way out of this Mysterion thing after all.

And as for the rest? Well he wasn't going to deal with that.

* * *

Kenny sighed as he headed to the closet at work that next Friday. He had a plan set up, and after a lot of grovelling he had gotten Maddie, Kai and even Ruby's help in performing his little trick.

By the end of the night, Butters would no longer suspect him of being the mysterious dancer and Kenny would be free to deal with the other problem.

And by 'deal' he meant still not talk to him and pretend it was all just a crazy dream.

He sighed softly, he had come back a mere two days after he left. A barrage of missed calls and texts on his phone. It seemed somehow Butters had it in his head that he had been in trouble. He had spoken to Kyle about it and what he had found out had prompted him into actually breaking his silence.

It had only been a simple text – 'I'm Fine.' – but he couldn't just leave Butters worrying like that, he would never pull himself away from the small blonde if he had that hanging over his head.

Stan and Kyle had once had these dreams and they seemed to just go away after a while. Kenny figured he just needed to be careful now – dying was not an option if it was causing the smaller blonde pain like that.

He couldn't do that to him.

He listened to the door, hearing the end of the performance; his own voice echoing through the speakers as Kai took his place on stage. They had dyed his hair a more sun kissed blonde – much to his annoyance – and dragged him into a pair of platforms to make up the extra height.

It wasn't a perfect match, but in the dim lights of the club it was very close.

Maddie had done well playing the recording over the music – the transition was flawless, even Kenny would have been fooled had this not been his own plan.

The door opened and his red-headed boss burst into the room, laughing like a giddy schoolgirl at something or other. She was late and Kenny glared towards her.

"You're late."

"Suck my dick."

Kenny rolled his eyes in annoyance – he swore she had a few screws loose somewhere in that head of hers. But he didn't have time to fret over that as he mussed up his hair some more. He flinched when she suddenly kissed him, pushing her away quickly. "What the hell?!"

She laughed and winked, unbuttoning some of her blouse buttons. "You want this to look realistic right?" She asked as he groaned, slapping her hands away as she started pulling at his own shirt.

She was enjoying this way too much – it pissed him off.

Butters stopped at the edge of the stage as Mysterion started walking down. He looked unsteady on his feet but Butters presumed he was just tired from dancing – or maybe he was sick? He had seemed a little out of rhythm tonight – but whatever, now he was going to catch him!

As the taller male stepped out from behind the stage, Butters pounced on him, ripping the mask from his face.

"Aha! I got you no– Kai?!"

Kai stared at him blankly for a few minutes before nodding and reaching for a bottle of whiskey that had been left backstage.

"B-But last week… y-you… why?" He couldn't put the words together, didn't know how to react to this.

And all he received in return was a shrug as the strange male turned on his heel and left – whiskey in hand.

Butters stood still, shaking his head as he tried to process everything. It had to be a trick… Kenny must still be around here somewhere… or else… where else did he keep disappearing too?

He turned his head as he heard a noise come from the closet, the door suddenly flying open as two figures came tumbling out.

His eyes widened as he took in the dishevelled clothing and sultry look his boss was giving the man beneath her–

Kenny…

He paled as he clocked sight of the blonde male beneath her on the floor. He was smirking and his eyes locked on the girl above him.

Butters didn't wait to see anymore, he just turned and walked out of the building.

Of course that was where Kenny kept disappearing too.

How could he be so stupid _again?!_

* * *

**RubyNote:** And Here we have Chapter 9!

A lot going on in this one and I apologise if the back and forth is a little hard to follow.

This was quite difficult to write because of it being back and forth between two different scenes, but I hope you like it anyway!


	10. Bag Your Best Friends Girl

**When Life Gives You Vodka…**

…_Bag Your Best Friends Girl_

How had he come to become this?

He was everything he hated in this world. He was a liar, he hurt people on purpose, he ran, he hid from his troubles…

And he just spent the last three hours crying into a bottle of vodka, cuddled up to some stray cat that had come to his fire escape to get away from the snow.

This wasn't him. He lived through things, he didn't get attached and he _walked away_.

But all it took was one innocent and breathtakingly gorgeous little blonde and his world turned upside down. He was a mess of emotions that he did not have the knowledge to deal with and he felt like he had no one to turn too.

They'd just laugh at him – mocking him like the pathetic waste of space that he was.

He'd not felt this low since being kicked out of his home, the only difference was this time he wasn't homeless… Though that had been an easier problem to deal with than the aching in his chest.

He couldn't deny it anymore… He knew what this was – he had to be stupid not to know. But that didn't make the pill any easier to swallow.

He was in love with Butters.

Kenny McCormick had succumbed to the one thing he swore he would never do. He fell in love.

McCormick Rule Number Three: Don't get attached. Broken.

Well he'd gone and scored a bloody hatrick now hadn't he? And with the worst possible person. It wasn't that Butters was a bad person – no, Butters was the sweetest, nicest and most wholesome person Kenny knew.

And that was why he deserved better than scum like him.

Kyle would have been fine – sure he had more going for him academically, but deep down they were built from the same cloth. Kyle was just as harsh and vulgar as Kenny was – he just hid it better. Falling in love with Kyle wouldn't have been a huge problem.

But Butters, Butters wasn't like them. He was so much more… those sweet, innocent eyes – they didn't hold the darkness that Kenny's own held. Many disliked the small blonde because of his naivety, but to Kenny it was a refreshing change that made Kenny want to be a better person. Made him want to be someone worthy of a love that pure.

But he wasn't, he was tainted.

Nothing in this world could change the poison that was in his very being, his soul was blacker than black. This was why he couldn't let himself stay in Butters' life; this is why Butters had to hate him…

Because Kenny couldn't let his soul poison someone like that. He had done a lot of shitty things with this life – he'd even tried killing people; probably had actually killed people somewhere along the line – but nothing could compare to the weight of making someone like that fall for a worthless, low-life alcoholic with the emotional range of a teaspoon.

The cat mewled next to him on the bed and he reached to scratch behind her ears with a sigh, bringing his bottle to his lips an smashing it against the wall when he came up empty; sending the cat scattering off in fear.

Kenny grumbled as he pushed off the bed – even animals couldn't be around him for too long without him fucking up.

Well wasn't that just a kick in the teeth?

He stumbled towards the door, gripping the wall for support as his head spun. He probably looked a mess from crying so much but he didn't care – he wasn't drunk enough to forget.

And killing himself wasn't an option – he didn't want to risk Butters getting more dreams and worrying about him.

He located his keys and wallet, checking what money was left in there – all that was left was his food money, but right now he couldn't care less if he starved, he just wanted more alcohol. So pocketing the falling apart piece of leather, he made his way out into the cold evening air.

He was owed holiday at work, and Ruby had seen it in her heart to give him a couple of weeks off to calm his thoughts and pull himself together.

Urgh, breaking down whilst your boss was on top of you was not a highlight.

He stumbled through the streets and towards the twenty-four hour off-licence, stumbling in through the door in search of his beloved alcohol–

Only to be refused service for being 'too intoxicated'.

What the fuck was that? There was no such thing as _too _intoxicated. There was _not intoxicated enough._ And that was what he really was. Fuck! Was the whole world turning against him?!

He stomped outside, shaking his head as he pushed his hands into his pockets, normally being drunk made him happy, but he had taken a nose dive recently into the abyss of his own sadness.

"Kenny?" A female voice called out to him and he looked up to catch sight of a purple beret and matching coat. He offered up a smile but by the look on her face – it wasn't getting him anywhere.

"Hey gorgeous, haven't seen you around in a while…" He called, noting how his voice had quavered and he sighed, dropping the smile.

* * *

A distraction.

It seemed like a better idea than hiding in his bed under his covers all night, plus; if Kyle was driving down for the weekend just to try and cheer him up, then who was he to deny him? It would be rude of him when his friends were going to so much trouble for him.

And it was kind of… nice to just hang out, reminiscing on old times and just generally mucking about. But still he had been unable to even crack a smile. He didn't feel like smiling anymore, he didn't feel like a lot of things – except maybe to wake up and find this was all just some sick and twisted nightmare.

So when Stan had suggested they go out and get some movies and a drink, Butters had been quick to agree – much to the other two men's shock – because right now he wanted to just drink an forget. It almost made him laugh, they had been right it seemed; he had spent too much time around the older blonde.

He trudged down the street with them, Stan was on his left, Kyle to his right and they were talking animatedly about some show they had watched a few nights back – debating on whether or not the dynamics had been believable and true to life. He wasn't completely sure, probably because he wasn't completely paying attention.

It was as they turned the corner that Butters stopped dead in his tracks, looking up the street at the unmistakable orange clad figure outside of the store.

Nor the tell-tale pink coat of the dark haired girl beneath him.

Butters swallowed, chancing a glance towards Stan in worry; his two companions stopped and turned to look at him, probably seeing the colour drain from his face and turning their attention to where Butters was staring.

Kyle was the first to react and he flinched, muttering a curse as suddenly he had his arm looped around Stan's waist, his other covering his mouth as a string of muffled curses echoed from him.

"Just leave it dude, you'll just make an arse out of yourself."

Stan managed to break from Kyle's hand and shook his head. "No, dude! This is too far!" He hissed, making his best friend flinch and sigh. Kyle chanced a glance at Butters before turning back to his brunette friend.

"You know Kenny's going through a hard time… this is just how he copes. It's not like you and Wendy are dating at the moment – you're on a damn break, Stan." He said firmly, giving the other a meaningful look to just drop it.

Butters interest perked up at this and he turned with a worried frown. "Why is he going through a hard time? Is he okay?" Despite how much Butters was hurt by the taller blonde, he couldn't help to be worried about the way Kyle had said that.

The redhead quickly held up his hands and shook his head. "Kenny is always going through hard times… He… uh… He just found out his dad killed his cat…" He lied, groaning when Stan gave him a look that clearly said 'are you fucking serious?!'

But Butters seemed to accept the excuse nonetheless and simply sighed and shuffled his feet on the ground. He glanced up in time to see Wendy suddenly still, her eyes widening in what could only be described as surprise; he had seen enough. He shook his head and turned away. "Look, thanks for tryin'a cheer me up fella's, but… I'm just going to go home…" He gave Stan nor Kyle any time to react as he started jogging off back the way they came.

Stan narrowed his eyes as he looked at Kyle; "You can't keep defending him! One day you're going to have to admit that _he's _the reason all this shit is happening!" He snapped, following after Butters and leaving Kyle alone.

Kyle looked at his friend in shock before turning back towards the store and frowning when no one was there. It seemed Wendy and Kenny had left whilst they were arguing.

He would have to find Kenny in the morning and see what the fuck was going on in his mind. Kenny may have been a bit of a slut… But for the most part he usually kept away from Wendy for the sake of Stan…

* * *

Stan paced his room late into the night. He couldn't believe Kenny would do something like this. He may have his issues but he had never broken his promise to leave Wendy alone since they were kids. And he wondered why Kyle easily jumped to his aid – if the roles had been reversed, Kyle would have been the first to punch that horny little drunk!

Fucking hypocrite!

When he finally couldn't take it any more he dug in his pocket for his phone, slipping it out and hitting the first speed-dial key. Hopefully whatever they were doing would have stopped and he could give Wendy a piece of his mind!

Success! "Stan? Is that you? Oh thank god I–"

He didn't give her a chance to finish as he exploded into indignant questions; "What the hell were you doing with Kenny tonight?! I know we said we'd have a break, but one of my _best friends?!_ That's just low!"

Stan knew Wendy well enough – so when there was a long and silent pause he flinched. He was going to get it now.

"Oh really?" The sound of her voice was not the usual comforting tone that put butterflies in his stomach – no, this was the tone that made him clench his ass in fear of making a mess.

He was in trouble.

"For your information Stan. Your _best friend,_ as you deemed to describe him – didn't do anything wrong!" She snapped, he had never heard her defend Kenny with such a tone. For the most part they were simply amicable for his sake. "Yes, he bumped into me at the store… and yes, he did try giving me one of his lines – but do you know what happened next Stan? Did you bother to _**really **_look and see what was happening?"

Stan swallowed a lump in his throat; suddenly he didn't want to know the answer.

Suddenly he wanted the truth to be that they had been doing the nasty.

"He cried Stan! He spent the entire time crying into my shoulder and telling me he wished he could die and put everyone out of their misery!" She snapped, a door closing as she seemed to walk out of her house – probably as not to wake anyone.

Stan felt his stomach plummet at her words and he wished he could call her a liar; pretend like she was doing this to throw him off the trail…

…But Wendy wouldn't lie to him about something like this.

"W-Where is he now? Please tell me you didn't let him go home alone?" He asked, all his previous anger gone.

She sighed into the phone and he heard some movement, there was a soft sort of squeak and he just knew she had sat on the porch swing. She suddenly sounded very tired, her voice taking on a motherly tone. "No… I brought him home with me… He… Stan this isn't okay; Kenny is the kind of person who laughs everything off… but that's not who I was with tonight… All he wanted was for me to hold him and he just… he wasn't making any sense…" There was more movement, Stan could even picture it now, the way she'd be running her hand through her hair and tugging it in frustration. "He cried himself to sleep about an hour ago… I don't know what to do."

Stan groaned and shook his head, covering his eyes with his hand. "I'll get Kyle and we'll pick him up in the morning; if you don't mind watching him 'till then, of course?" He asked, suddenly feeling like a parent in a broken household… at least now he knew how his parents felt when they got divorced that one time…

"Yeah, I can do that…" She said softly, then; after a brief hesitation. "And Stan…" He gave a hum to show he was listening, his mind in chaos for how bad this had gotten. "He made me realise… how much I miss you… miss us…" she whispered and Stan felt a small smile form on his lips.

"Me too… We'll talk about it tomorrow… But right now; I've been such a jerk… and I need to focus on helping my friend."

He could hear the smile on her voice as they said their goodbyes, if all went to plan; hopefully they can salvage more than one relationship with this ordeal.

* * *

**RubyNote: **Okay! So, sorry for the wait - but this chapter was giving me hell... lord knows how many times I actually rewrote it/ scrapped it and started again... .

In the end I gave up and just wrote once more and have left what I had...

I'm not too sure, It's a short chapter, mainly just to explain how Kenny is spiralling downwards in this.

Next chapter has Cartman's plan unfold! I was going to add it to this one but I thought it would make it ridiculously lengthy... Anyway, Enjoy!


	11. Play The Superhero

**When Life Gives You Vodka…**

…_Play The Superhero_

His friends were supportive; he'd give them that. They hadn't left his side since the incident with Wendy. They had picked him up the next morning, taken him to eat something and he had remained silent. He should have known she would have called Stan and told him what had happened. But then what did Kenny expect? He had hit on his kind-of girlfriend before the stark realisation that he didn't want her weighed down on him like a ton of bricks and he had crumbled beneath the weight.

He just couldn't do it.

For the first time in his life Kenny didn't want meaningless sex, it wouldn't solve his problems, nor would it make him feel better.

The alcohol wasn't even proving to be much of a release from his troubles either. He was lost and he didn't know what to do or where to turn. Stan and Kyle insisted he just make up with Butters and swallow his pride. But they didn't understand. No one did.

Kenny wasn't boyfriend material. He couldn't offer anything to anyone. All he knew in relationships was how to start arguments and lash out – he could thank his parents for that knowledge – so how was he supposed to settle down with someone? Butters was a good kid – always had been – and he would want the whole shebang; little house with a white picket fence, stability, marriage even! And then what? Children? It wasn't as if two men couldn't have children now…

But Kenny couldn't go down that road either – he couldn't be a dad! He couldn't take care of himself! He had proof of that every time he died and went through the painstaking process of coming back to life. No… Kenny was meant to be left alone to wallow and drink his way through life until the asshole upstairs decided to finally let it all end for good.

That was Kenny's life and up until now he had accepted it.

Up until now it had been okay.

Up until now…

The words stung, he knew everything had changed and he had no way to push it back to where they had been. He had been content with Butters as a casual fling but that had all ended badly.

A finger snapping in his face had him looking up into the worried eyes of his friend. He was nursing a coffee across the table from him and had apparently been talking.

This is how all their nights went. He would stay with Stan at the coffee shop until morning, where Kyle would pick him up and take him to the university in a vain attempt to distract him with all the pretty girls on campus.

He had long since given up on trying to coax Kenny into their usual 'cheer up' routine after the blonde had simply lay there, his body limp and unresponsive.

"Dude? Kenny!" He blinked as he looked up, narrowing his eyes as he pulled his hood over his face a little more. He had taken to going back to his old ways, never revealing his face to the public. It was easier to pretend he could be ignored then – blend into the surroundings.

Stan sighed as he looked his friend over and shook his head. "I guess you're not listening…"

"You and Wendy are sorting things out and may get back together – yeah, good for you…" He hadn't been listening, but he was pretty good at observing people and so when Stan looked at him in shock he knew he had gotten it right. It was obvious – they bonded over taking care of a distraught blonde and now they could have their happy ending.

Kenny was trying – he really was! – to be happy for his friend and not sound bitter. But it was so hard to be happy for someone when they were able to have the things you couldn't. The bitterness was a tough pill to swallow.

"Oh… I'm sorry, I thought you weren't paying attention." Kenny simply shrugged and let it go; what was the point in arguing or anything? Instead he got up and excused himself to go and take a nap in one of the couches in the staff room. And maybe after he could convince Stan to go and let him get some vodka – he's have to promise to come straight back or else they'd send people looking of course, but it was enough.

* * *

Butters had been coping a little better. Though he was confused when he answered his front door to see none other than Eric Cartman on his doorstep. He froze for a minute; only just now realising that the only reason Cartman had left him be was Kenny. And with the blonde gone…

"Butters; can we talk a minute… I… I need to apologise to you…" The chunky male spoke, causing Butters to grip the handle of the door tighter, glancing inside the house to see if it was really a good idea. "Please…" He continued and as Butters examined his face he believed the sincerity there and so sighed and widened the opening of the door, stepping aside to let the other male in.

Cartman offered a smile as he stepped inside; he had been to this home so many times he knew the place well. "Seems I'm always the last to know… But I heard about you and Kenny – I had thought he had defended you because he was drunk and spoiling for a fight… I didn't realise you were dating…" He said as he walked into the kitchen, his back turned to the blonde and so not noticing the way the smaller male flinched.

"W-we weren't dating… We-we weren't anything, it seems…" He mumbled as he followed the other, frowning when Cartman started moving around the small room, pulling out cups and such. "What are you doing?"

"I thought you could do with a nice hot chocolate… always makes me feel better." Butters raised an eyebrow at the answer, not sure whether he should believe the innocence in Cartman's words. "Relax; like I said I just want to talk to you… I'm sorry I brought the whole Kenny thing up but it is relevant to why I'm here…"

Butters' mind instantly thought the worst when the other said that. "What happened? Is Kenny okay? Please don't tell me they found him dead in a ditch… or… or he got alcohol poisoning or something!" He murmured as Cartman seemed to flinch at his words, not turning to face him.

"As far as I know he's fine… It's not like he and I are friends anymore remember?" He pointed out, puttering around the small kitchen before settling in the seat opposite Butters, placing a cup of steaming hot chocolate in front of them both.

Butters had always wondered about that. Why Kenny and Cartman had suddenly just cut all ties with each other but; no one wanted to tell him the reason it seemed. All Kenny ever said that was Cartman could never be trusted.

"…But I was glad to hear you – ahm… parted ways…" He continued, instantly putting the small blonde in fear of what was to come. "The truth is… The reason I was bribing you I–" He seemed to pause, playing with the handle of the mug in front of him before he mumbled something that Butters couldn't quite catch.

"Pardon?"

There was a sigh as Cartman shook his head. "Come on Butters', you're breaking my balls here… I don't want to have to keep saying it, okay? It's embarrassing…"

The small blonde blinked in confusion and shook his head. "B-but, I really d-didn't hear you…" He mumbled, a slight blush on his cheeks.

"I like you, okay?" The bigger male finally blurted out at a volume that could be understood and Butters promptly choked on the hot beverage in his hand – scalding his mouth in the process.

"A-ah geez… I-is this some k-kind of j-joke… I-I really d-don't ne-need this ri-right now Eric!" He squeaked, shaking his head and mashing his knuckles together awkwardly.

What the hell was Eric saying? How could he like him after all the bad stuff he had done to him in the past? It just didn't make sense.

"I mean it… Butters; haven't you heard how sometimes you be mean to people you like because you don't know how to tell them? Well… I just didn't know what to do so… I figured that if I forced you to do stuff with me… you might come to like it… to like _me_." He continued, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he shook his head. "B-but, I can see now it was wrong of me… So I wanted to come and apologise."

Butters swallowed and hugged himself tightly. He felt emotional – which was nothing new these last few weeks – and he wasn't sure whether he should trust the other male. Eric caught on to his hesitance and sighed, shaking his head sadly.

"Yeah; I guess I was asking too much…" He mumbled as he slowly got up. "I'm sorry I wasted your time… I don't blame you for not wanting to give me a chance – no one ever does… I try to be nice, I swear! But I guess I'm not good enough for anyone."

Butters flinched at the words, hugging himself tighter. Eric was just saying exactly how the blonde himself had been feeling – maybe Eric wasn't such a bad guy after all? Maybe they could start anew? It sure as heck beat being alone all the time.

"Wait!" His words came out before he fully had a chance to think through what he was agreeing too. "M-Maybe… we… could just start by hanging out a little first?"

* * *

It was another week until Kenny finally decided to go back to work. And Ruby had made sure he came back on a Friday so he could perform. He grumbled to himself as he got changed, shaking his head in annoyance. At least they had put all his shifts when Butters either wasn't there or was due to be in a cage all night. That made things a little easier, he supposed.

He groaned again as a group of female dancers came walking out; Bebe as usual leading the pack. He could hear their chattering but just hoped they were too caught up in whatever gossip they had that they would ignore him.

His prayers seemed to be answered as they walked straight past, leaving him by the vanity mirror to try and adjust his mask properly. He'd not had the time to readjust it back to his size since Kai had taken his place that one night.

"…I couldn't believe it! Cartman of all people! Acting all lovesick."

Well that was actually quite interesting. Kenny had always believe the fat fuck didn't have it in him to feel anything but greed and gluttony.

"I saw it too! They were leaving the cinema and he even offered his jacket – it was actually quite sweet…"

It didn't sound like Cartman at all, but Kenny figured it was probably bound to happen at some point or another. It just sucked that it seemed Cartman had managed to start the relationship thing of all people, and Kenny himself was left alone.

"Yes, but then who could resist the little sweetheart… he's been so upset lately… I'm glad to see a smile on his face, even if Eric Cartman was the one to put it there." Bebe shuddered as she finished her sentence, shaking her head.

"…But did you hear? They're meant to be having a meal at Bennegan's tonight and he's going to ask Butters to officially be his boyfriend!" One of the girls gushed, smiling brightly, "He's hired the staff to serenade and everything! Isn't it adorable…?"

Kenny didn't hear the rest as he stared at his own reflection, his eyes were widened beneath the mask and he had paled considerably. This couldn't be right? He had saved Butters from Cartman – why the hell had he gone back?! Cartman didn't deserve his love!

He felt the outrage bubble up inside of him as he grit his teeth. It wasn't fair! Why should Cartman be allowed to have the one thing in this world Kenny wanted the most? Why did that fat, selfish bastard get everything!

He knew the answer of course… It was because he didn't just wallow in his own pity and he actually did something. But still – Kenny didn't think it was as innocent as it seemed, Cartman always did things for himself and he was probably setting poor Butters up to humiliate him.

Kenny couldn't let that happen.

He jumped out of his chair, rounding on the girls and startling them to attention. "When? When is this going on?" he demanded, his voice barely more than a growl.

Bebe stepped forward unflinchingly, a smirk on her perfectly made up face. "Why McCormick? Still think you have a shot?" She mocked as Kenny narrowed his eyes. She sighed, relenting and shaking her head. "Wendy said their reservation was at eight. It's eight fifteen, so I guess it's already happening – What are you doing?!"

Kenny wasn't listening as he was already half way out the door, his feet ponding on the concrete as he tried to remember the quickest way to get to Bennegan's. It wasn't far but he wasn't exactly working with a lot of time either.

~#~#~

Butters smiled as Cartman held out the chair for him. He hadn't expected how the other had been so wonderful these last couple of weeks. It seemed he had really meant it when he said he wanted to start over.

And he felt loved for the first time in a while. It was a nice feeling. Okay, so there wasn't as much of a spark there… but it was still nice to have someone treat you so kindly… like you were something special.

The made small talk as they waited for the waiter, both ordering the same and laughing about how in sync they were.

It seemed to all be going well, until Cartman paused half way through eating their meal. "Butters… it's been super cool spending this time with you… And I really do love the time we spent together…" He said softly as Butters paused, food halfway to his mouth.

"W-well gee, Eric… that's really nice of you to say…" He whispered, blushing slightly. "And I've really… l-liked spending time with you t-too…" He added shyly.

"I'm glad, Butters. Really I am… Because there is something I want to ask of you…" He started, glancing towards the door as there was a ruckus, and he almost lost it completely when he saw Kenny come barrelling towards their table in a cape.

But he had to stay focused and instead stood sharply. "What hell are you doing here, poor boy? You can't afford to eat out!" He mocked, making butters flinch and turn around.

Kenny didn't even acknowledge Cartman's words as he reached for Butters' hand, yanking him up. "What are you doing with him? I thought we'd sorted this stupidity out?!"

Butters was stunned as he stared at the outfit Kenny wore. So he had been right all along? But then why?

He was so unfocused he hadn't noticed Cartman shouting at them as Kenny dragged him out of the restaurant.

Cartman for his part simply sat down when they left, taking out his phone and sending one simple text. '**You owe me for this, Jew Boy.**' Before going back to his meal as if nothing ever happened.

Kenny had managed to pull Butters as far as the car park before the small blonde finally came to his senses, ripping his hand out of the others' grasp. "What the heck do you think you're doing?!" He snapped, staring at the older male and shaking his head. "What? You think that just 'cause you're in some fancy outfit you can come around and… and ruin a person's date?!"

Kenny flinched at the word _date _and shook his head. "It's Cartman, Butters! He doesn't care about you! He's just using you for some sick game! It's all lies." He argued, flinching when Butters suddenly glared at him and took a step forward, jabbing a finger into his chest.

"Listen here mister! I don't know where you get off on calling anyone a liar after how you've behaved!" He snapped, glaring up at the taller male. "You lied to me about this!" He continued, grabbing onto the cape and watching as Kenny flinched once more.

"And what does it matter to you anyway? You were the one who pushed me away and abandoned me! Y-you w-were the one wh-who…" And then the tears came and he sobbed, choking on the words that he wanted to say.

Kenny rubbed his own arm, feeling utterly ashamed of himself. "I-I know… I just… I got scared and… I thought it was the only way…"

"To what!? To-to break my heart!? Well you did that!" There was another round of sobs and Kenny shook his head, stepping forward to comfort the smaller male, but his hand being slapped forcefully away. "Don't touch me! You lost your right to do that!"

Kenny hugged himself as he looked at the floor, shaking his head sadly. "I know, okay? Don't you think it's been eating at me this whole time? I've spent half my time crying or just too drunk to stay awake…" He whispered, shaking his head as Butters looked at him pitifully. "No, I don't deserve your pity… I did this to me… to us…"

Butters didn't know what to think, the fact Kenny admitted to crying was enough to show he meant it… and it did explain why he hadn't seen the taller blonde in over a month…

"Aww, Ken… What did you expect to accomplish…? You're just dragging up old hurt… Nothing's changed…" He turned to walk away, sighing to himself as he wiped fresh tears from his eyes. He wasn't prepared when he was grabbed from behind and pulled against the other.

"It is different! I know you still love me; I saw it in your eyes when you saw me!" It was a long shot, but Kenny hoped he was right enough to get the other to forgive him. But when Butters shook his head, Kenny was feeling his hope fade.

"It's not enough… If it had been then we wouldn't be here right now… Nothing you can say could make me change my mind…"

Kenny flinched, feeling Butters start to slip out of his grip. He was losing his one chance; throwing it all away once more. He had to stop him, to show him everything was different.

But how?

What could he say to prove he meant that he was sorry and that it was different?

And then it came to him; for the first time he had to drop his pride and open up to someone. He had to show he could learn to be what Butters needed.

The alternative was losing him; and Kenny had tasted that and he just couldn't bear to let it happen again. He would have to beg; and he was willing to do it.

"It's different because I love you, please… Butters' please don't leave me again!"

* * *

**RubyNote: **And I know it took forever; but here is the next chapter. I only have one more planned after this (Unless it gets really lengthy and then I'll have two.)


End file.
